How To Change Your Identity

When you think of identity, does it seem like some rigid set of qualities that you can never escape? Or is identity something more flexible? Something that can evolve and change over time? I personally subscribe to the philosophy that you can be whoever you want to be, and that means you can change identity, lifestyle, and even your destiny.

How To Change Your Identity And Start A New Life

Let’s start with the basics. What is an identity? It’s what you identify yourself as being. That means it’s something you get to control. If you grew up financially disadvantaged, that doesn’t mean you have to remain so. If you were never taught etiquette, that doesn’t mean you can never learn and be part of elite society.

I learned how to change identity. I went from being stuck in a rut and working jobs I didn’t like to a million dollar lifestyle. I went from being a shy, small-town Swedish girl to someone that teaches elegance and personal development to millions of women.

But the first step, if you want to understand how to change your identity and start a new life, is to convince yourself that it’s possible.

The next step would be to ask yourself: how do people change their identity? And then look around for examples. Pick out a few people, either famous people or people that you know in your own life, that have done it. How did they do it? How did they see themselves and how do they see themselves now? Observe and learn. This is what I did when I first got started on my transformation journey. I studied people in high society and learned how they behaved and how they carried themselves.

Tips To Change Your Identity

One of the best tips I can give you on how to change your identity actually comes from the amazing lessons of “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. He talked about how people who succeed in creating and maintaining new habits are the ones that identified as the type of people who have such habits.

Let’s say you wanted to dress well every day and to be consistent in working out. Instead of thinking about it as a goal to achieve, like “I want to dress well every day,” you think of yourself as an elegant woman. Or, instead of “I would like to go to the gym 5 days a week,” you would think of yourself already as CrossFit athlete.

He called those identity-based habits. The great thing is that, as these habits become more and more established, the identity also strengthens. And, soon enough, you really are the person you set out to be.

Affirmations can really help along the way. Write down 3-5 affirmations that tell of the person you want to be. For example:

  • I am a vibrant, healthy, and energetic person
  • I am an elegant and sophisticated woman, inside out
  • I am a successful entrepreneur and public speaker
  • I am an excellent boundary-setter

You get the gist. And it’s okay if your affirmations feel off at first. As long as they’re somewhat believable, you’ll start living them after repeating them for a while. Just make sure they are about your identity, not about goals.


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Anna Bey is an educator in the elegant feminine empowerment space and the founder of an online finishing school for women. She can confidently call herself a pioneer in this genre because she was the first to be sharing content in this niche since 2012.

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Anna Bey is an expert on Modern Elegance™, upscale transformations, and leveling up, with over 150 million channel views. Since 2012, she has taught women how to develop a more refined personal presence and lifestyle inside the Anna Bey Academy, where she hosts her various classes and courses. Her publication features include The Times UK, Newsweek, New York Post, Cosmopolitan, and many more.

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