Why Men Should Pay (part1)

Podcast Episode 5

Ladies, episode five, welcome back to my podcast. This is Wednesday, and you probably are aware by now that this is a weekly podcast, and a new episode is out every Wednesday. So, I am really excited to be back here with you. It’s rather gloomy and cold here in Geneva. I feel like, from just one day to another, it literally turned almost winter weather, I would say. It was very cold yesterday. We’re talking nine degrees Celsius in the middle of the day, which is quite a big jump from, I think it was 15 the other day.

I don’t know what’s going on, but winter is definitely coming, and that was the subject of the previous episodes, so if you haven’t listened to that, make sure you’ll listen, because I give you some of my feel-good tips on how to survive winter. Now, ladies, if you haven’t subscribed to this podcast yet, I do recommend you do that so that you get a notification every Wednesday when a new episode is out. All right, ladies, let’s jump straight into today’s topic, which is one of my passionate subjects. In a way, I would say this subject is something that I could definitely not bother talking about on my platforms.

This conversation about 50/50, and why men should pay, and why I believe society is unfair, and why I believe in traditional feminism, as I call it, I teach elegance on my platforms as much as I teach personal development. This is the thing that I could easily just skip this entire conversation, but the thing is I can’t. I can’t, and I won’t. No matter what, nothing is going to shut me up because this topic is just too important for me. Plus, I also don’t think that enough people are speaking up about this and we really need to start raising some awareness for actually what’s happening in our society and in our modern climate.

I have been a feminist since I was young. When I was a teenager, I actually used to participate in demonstrations and in organizations that was supporting feminism and female rights. So, that has always been a very big and core subject of mine. Now, I do think though, that feminism has kind of gone a little bit in a direction that I don’t necessarily support in everything that happens there, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a feminist. I still call myself a feminist, but again, just because I want my man to pay, just because I don’t know, I shave my armpits and I wear a skirt, I can still be a feminist. I don’t think a feminist is just somebody who is in one way or no other way. I think that’s a very narrow minded way of looking at it, and you’re also looking at it from a very stereotypical perspective, which is not a very healthy perspective, as you probably know by now.

I also find the subject to be very interesting. I observe feminism and the kind of the women’s standpoint in society on a daily basis, and it’s just something that I’m naturally interested in. As life unfolds, I’m noticing more and more things that we don’t always pay attention to, but that is so unfair for women, and is just built around men. I mean, as an example, how many people have actually noticed that our work structure and the way society is structured is only around the cycle of the man? The fact that men have a 24 hour cycle and women have a 28 day cycle. Society is not adapted to the female 28 day cycle.

Actually, society even kind of makes fun of it and makes us feel uncomfortable for it. Yeah, makes us be ashamed of it, to be honest. However, the cycle of man is celebrated, the fact that every day he’s able to perform the same way, day in, day out, and women should adapt to that and do the same. Now, that was just a little example, just for you to understand that there are so many kind of hidden things in our society that is just in favor for men that we don’t always think about. The reason why I’m sharing this with you is because I do want to transmit this way of thinking, to try and start to observe in our society the small, subtle unfairnesses that we might not necessarily always think about.

We always jump straight into the kind of equal pay, or I don’t know, all these things that … Anyway, it has not really been improved. I mean, they have, okay, for sure been improved, but we’re still not in a place yet, where men and women are being paid equally, as an example. In this podcast, I will be talking about my version of feminism a lot. I mean, sometimes in a whole episode like this, but sometimes also, a little bit here and there. I also do have some interesting guests that I want to bring on, on the subject, because this is just a topic that I’m passionate about.

I do want to start off one of my, probably many podcasts around the subject, is to actually talk about, why men should pay. This is going to be a part one podcast episode, because I actually want to do a part two of this episode. But in part two, I want to hear from you, why men should pay. I’m going to give you some of my ideas, but I want this to be also dialogue. I don’t want this to only be my way of thinking. I want to hear from you as well. As you know, you can always write to me on Instagram, so I will be opening up the opportunity for your voices to get heard, because I do think it’s important on the subject.

Now, before I jump into why I think men should pay in our society, I want to actually tell you one very important thing. In School Of Affluence and in my work, yes, I have an online finishing school. I teach women elegance, personal development, how to upgrade themselves and their lifestyle, how to live more elegantly. If they want to answer the affluent community, then they will have the right tools for that, etc. That’s what School Of Affluence is about. However, there is a deeper meaning with School Of Affluence, and basing on the feedback that I received from my students, it seems to be a running theme, and this is what my mission has been from the very beginning, and I’m very glad that I’m succeeding with this.

A lot of my students are telling me that after they have taken my program, they feel much more confident and they feel like they are able to set stronger boundaries. Now, I want to stop there for a second because confidence and boundaries are one of the two key figures of all the teachings of mine in both my free content and my paid content in School Of Affluence and under Anna Bey. This is really, really important for me. This is one of my missions with my work. Surely, School Of Affluence is part of business, but it’s also part a mission that I’m on.

I want to be able to create a positive influence and also be able to help women and create some change. The reason why I wanted to pause at confidence in boundaries is because, in our society, men are taught this from early age in most cultures. Women are not. To some level maybe, but men are groomed to be more confident and men are groomed to set strong boundaries. Now, how do you think our world would look like if women actually were super confident and felt so empowered that they felt that they could set any boundaries they wanted? Pretty much like men do.

Do you think this world would be less patriarchal? Do you think it will be more empowering towards women? Do you think this world would be more in favor for women? I believe so, which is why I am so passionate about teaching confidence and setting boundaries. Now, I do want to tell you one thing though, that this is not a war that I’m talking about. This is not women fighting against men, or being in war together with men or against men. This is women reclaiming their own power. Women need to be empowered in our society. Women need to step up their confidence. Women need to step up their boundaries.

Only then can we truly become empowered. Because right now, when we lack confidence and when we have weak boundaries, we give away our power. This is how it is. This is why society is also not in favor for women and why we end up kind of suffering in many ways. That’s how I see it. Of course, there are more layers and nuances to this. I am just being very much overgeneralization now, but overall, if we do a quick summary, this is how I see it. I don’t believe that we live in a patriarchal society because men are bad people and they are using and the abusing us, and taking over the power, and they’re just mean people, and we are the victims as women.

I do not believe that we are victims at all. I believe that we have just been groomed in a way, and we are not stepping up our boundaries and confidence to the level of the man in order to actually become equal in that sense. Now, I am going to talk about, are we really equals, a little bit later on in this podcast. Those of you who already think that, oh, but we’re not equal as. Why should we strive for equality? Don’t worry. I’m going to comment on that in a second. I do believe that women are being suppressed in society, and we are not always aware of it. In fact, I don’t think we are aware of it many times, which is why this conversation about why men should pay and not going 50/50 has really stroke a chord with a lot of people, especially a lot of women, and I’m going to talk about that as well.

I feel like I started to create my own way of feminism, which also is a way of feminism for a lot of other people too. I’m not saying I have the monopoly of this type of way of looking at life, but this is something that I want to really talk about on my channels, because I believe that the mainstream feminism is good in many ways. I’m not throwing shade on it at all. But there are also many flaws and it’s not serving us in the right way necessary. This is why I believe that we really need to revise feminism today and actually tweak it. Tweak it to the point where we really analyze what is actually benefiting women, and what is actually benefiting men? And how can we actually create more fairness in society? Considering that we are not equals.

Unfortunately, and again, we are not victims, but unfortunately, women have a few more disadvantages when it comes to biological things, and you can also see it as positive, so I’m not saying it’s something bad, but from a perspective of how it positions us in society, it does unfortunately, become a disadvantage. I’m also telling you this, because of the way society is structured today, society could be structured in a way where all the biological, let’s call it disadvantages, were not disadvantages for women if society was structured differently. But that’s a different conversation that I don’t think I will be answering today, but I’m happy to talk about that in other episodes.

In today’s episode, I will be giving you examples of why I believe modern feminism has kind of gone a bit wrong or in the wrong direction that is no longer serving women. It was supposed to be empowering women, but now actually, it’s just draining women really. I do think that, while we actually need to tweak, it’s something that has to do more with an attitude change towards women, rather than it’s just about the money. I do know that I talk about the money a lot and that’s because it has become a symbol for our society today, because it has become a hot topic when it comes to modern day feminism.

Women feel that, in order to feel good about themselves, they have to pay 50/50. If they don’t pay 50/50, they’re not a good woman. There’s a lot of instilled beliefs in women. Again, something that we need to also really dissect. Why do women feel that, in order to have any form of value, in order to feel like a respected woman, in order not to feel like a stupid woman, you better pay up? If you don’t pay up, you’re just a stupid woman, you are materialistic woman, you are a gold digger. Mm, gold digger, the famous, famous shame word of our current era.

This is the thing. As soon as we start talking about who should pay for coffee, who should pay the bill, men taking financial responsibility over women, etc, then people jump straight to stereotypes and conclusions as soon as you say that you want a man to pay. That for me is a narrow way of thinking, but why do you think people jump to this conclusion on this stereotype? Sometimes it just infuriates me, and I just want to think that people are just so stupid, people just so narrow-minded. Because that’s sometimes the reaction that you get.

But if you really ground yourself for a moment, take a step back and really try look at the situation objectively, which is something that I have been doing for so many years in therapy now, so I’m kind of applying this to my work as well. Now, I believe that people jump to conclusion because it’s just based on fear, fear that has been instilled in us, meaning that, if you don’t act in X, Y, Z type of way, you are a bad person. That’s how people adapt to a norm in society. They get fear instilled in them. They listen to all these voices around them, and they allow these voices to penetrate them to the point that it changes the way they think of it.

But people with a very strong mindset, or people with a very high intellect, or people who generally just raise objections before jumping into something usually pause for a second and really look at something. Is this really, really true? Are you a gold digger if you want a man to pay for coffee? A re you a bad woman if you want a man to provide for you? Are you materialistic? Are you this? Are you that? I think it’s really important that we need to apply critical thinking. We can’t just allow people to say whatever and we just jump on that wagon and believe everything people say, especially in today’s society.

I mean, we live in a digital world where everybody on social media has apparently a voice, and if you listen to every single voice, then we’re forever going to live in the fake news era. At some point, you have to actually pause. You, as an individual, pause for a second and take a decision for yourself, that before you believe anything, you apply critical thinking, and that is really important. Also, when it comes to, what’s going on with feminism today, apply critical thinking to it. Always ask yourself, is it really true? Is it really how it is? Does this really mean what they claim it means? This is critical thinking.

Now, I’m going to give you some more examples, because as soon as we raise the money conversation, people become very defensive. Again, that comes from fear. This fear, by the way, I mentioned that it could be a fear about being labeled as I don’t know, a gold Digger or being shamed, etc, but there can also be other types of fear. So, it doesn’t necessarily only has to be this fear. There can be other fear. But usually, that is the root energy to why people become defensive, why people jump to conclusions, and especially like to stereotype women in particular, women who want to have men who provide for them.

Now, there is this fear that people think that if a woman is being paid for, she becomes a prisoner, a prisoner to the man. Indeed, back in the ’50s, and all those years ago, we did have an unfair society as well in a different way, of course, because indeed, the woman was a little bit more enslaved to the man because she wasn’t working, he was working, he had the money, and so he had the upper hand. Perhaps that time has created fear in a lot of people. Maybe they’ve heard stories from their grandparents or their parents, who knows? And that has transferred onto them to really make sure that they do the opposite not to end up in such position.

But this is the thing that you have to understand. The world is not black and white. Just because a man pays doesn’t mean a woman is a prisoner, doesn’t mean he has the upper hand. You have to be able to think outside the box and understand that we are able to create a society that is actually fair for all parties and that is benefiting all parties as well. A woman can be fully provided for without being a prisoner. Let’s say she has her own job and then all the money goes to savings. Let’s say she saves. She’s never going to be a prisoner if she actually is serious about her savings, and that’s the key for being a woman, by the way.

She will never be a prisoner if she sets boundaries and she makes sure that she gets treated with respect, and she makes sure that the climate in her relationship or in her partnership is not about the man being the upper hand. A woman can be in full power as much as the man while being provided for. There are cultures like this, and there are many couples like this. So, this is fully possible, and there are people who operate like this today. It’s not true that if a woman is being provided for, she’s a prisoner.

I think that’s a fear tactic. I think that’s a stereotype to just victimize the woman once again. A man will not have the upper hand if the woman doesn’t allow, and then we go back to boundaries again. It’s all about setting those boundaries and it’s not to do only with finances. Boundaries is something that we set everywhere in all our relationships, but it’s also something we set with ourselves. Obviously this conversation about boundaries stretches far greater than men that providing for women, but it’s about for us women to understand that actually, we can have the power to just do this. 

So, actually step into this energy and we shouldn’t be ashamed for anything. Now, let’s continue with the next shame scare tactic, because ultimately, women are truly being shamed in our society and that’s something that I really want to kind of open up the eyes, that stop falling for these shaming tactics, for these fear tactics. It’s just a manipulation. We need to raise above this if we’re ever going to become empowered women. That leads me to the next stereotype, which is probably the one that I am sick and tired of the most.

If a woman doesn’t pay, she’s a gold ticker, or she’s materialistic. Now, let’s start with materialistic, because one thing that I do find very interesting is that, in our society, men are being celebrated for being hunters, for being out there hunting, etc. To be honest with you, I applause that. I love a man being a hunter, because that means he steps into his masculinity. But wait a second, what if the woman is being materialistic, when she steps into kind of her evolutionary psychology, natural instinct of being a gatherer? Remember, it’s not a coincidence why men tend to be less, let’s call it materialistic, and women tend to have this more within our sex.

It’s not a coincidence ladies. It is bound to evolutionary psychology. We are hunters and we are gathers. Women are gatherers. So, it’s normal that subconsciously, we can become more materialistic, or more inclined towards liking or wanting to achieve, or having nice things in our life, or anythings for that matter, if you’re not interested in life’s things. I’m not saying every woman is like this. Don’t forget, people are different. There are women who have this very strong and there are women who have it, almost none. There are no one size fits all approach, so just to bear in mind, that even though evolutionary psychology very much is studied upon and researched, and really proven in many aspects, of course, people are still different.

So, there isn’t one size fits all approach, but if we’re going to generalize, because for the sake of the conversation, majority of women are more inclined towards materialistic things than men. I think we all know that. We like to collect things. We like to have nice things. We like to have a hundred shoes in our closet, then we like to have a hundred bags too. It’s just something we like many times. Not all women, but many. Now, being materialistic, shame on you, bad person, how dare you? Oh, you’re so materialistic. What a bad way of living your life. 

Now, I do think that being an extreme materialistic person is not necessarily a healthy way of living, but what about all of those people who do not fall under that bracket, which is probably a majority of women, what about us? Why should we feel ashamed for liking all these things and wanting all these things, etc? Why should we feel bad about it? Again, this is what I mean, open up your way of thinking to the small nuances in society that we don’t even pay attention to. Women are being shamed for being materialistic, so if you are not going 50/50 with a man, if you have a money mindset, then you are materialistic.

Again, let’s debunk this myth. This is not true ladies and you know that, so do not feel like you need to feel embarrassed that you like nice things, that you want nice things. You don’t have to feel ashamed of that. Understand where the shaming comes from and this will set you free. Now, what about the favorite gold digger shaming stereotype? Ooh, this one is popular, especially with a younger generation. No, no, no, let me actually rephrase. This one is popular with everybody these days, I feel. Actually, even older generation. You even have men, who could literally be my father, shaming women for being gold digger.

Let’s again, ask ourselves, where does that come from? I do believe that gold digger and this term has originated from men and from their way of wanting to control women and validate their weakness. Because a lot of men, first of all, can’t afford to pay for a woman, or don’t want to pay for a woman, and they just want to justify the way by saying that oh, she’s gold digger, materialistic. She’s the bad person. Not me. It’s not me who do not live up to certain expectations or standard. It’s her where the problem is. She is the blame. She’s the fault. I am perfect. I am good. She’s a gold digger.

Not that he’s this cheapskates. I’m sorry to put it this way, but as women, we are upgrading ourselves. Obviously, we want to have a partner who is upgraded. We might not want to settle with an average Joe anymore, because average Joe does not provide enough for us, or can’t offer us a certain lifestyle, or even just positioned in a way that we feel is aligned with where we want to be. Oftentimes, men who feel this, see it as a threat and bite back by calling the woman a gold digger, or materialistic, or both.

Again, this is a manipulation. This is a strategy of shame. So, be aware ladies, but what has happened as well with the term gold digger is that women has also adopted this. So, you know women are more inclined towards also, of course, shaming other women because we want to control our competition. Men want to control women for other reasons. Women want to control other women for competition reasons, and we will talk about female jealousy and female competitiveness in another episode, but I do need to really tell you that women are not innocent when it comes to spreading this inequality and spreading the term gold digger and shaming other women.

Women are actually being almost equally guilty for this, and this is again, another issue that we’re facing, especially when we look at feminism, because shouldn’t women be kind of supporting other women? Shouldn’t we feel that we are on the same team and that we need to actually unite ourselves? Because even though this is not a war, but we need to really stand up for our own sex rather than fighting with each other. I think this is what women really do and where we really fail. We fight too much with each other, but again, that’s a totally different episode.

Now, I’ve mentioned that these most common stereotypes, and my goal with talking about them is to just make you aware that it is a stereotype and you don’t have to be fooled by it, you don’t have to act on it, you don’t have to believe it if somebody throws it your way. You can actually pause for a second and ask yourself, is this really true? Or where is this really coming from? That’s what I want you to do, ladies. Apply critical thinking everywhere you go in every area of your life. It is so important. Now, I did mention that, even though I am well-known for speaking about why men should pay, and I’m actually not going to really change that anytime soon, I am actually proud of that.

I am happy to be labeled the one who goes against the masses by saying such things, because it’s very provoking, and it does trigger a lot of nerves and chords and people, but ultimately, me being against a 50/50 relationship is actually just a symbol for a really greater cause in a way. It’s about an attitude towards women. I believe that it’s not just about men starting to pay the bill. I don’t think that’s really necessarily what’s going to change and improve equality, or improve our society so that it’s more in favor and more fair for women.

I believe that we need to have a change in attitude towards women, and that has to come from men. Of course, fellow women too, but again, that’s a separate discussion. Let’s have that another time. I don’t want to overcomplicate things right now. I believe that the attitudes towards women have really decreased in our society. Ladies, I really want you to become aware of this, and I’m sure you are. I’m sure you are sensing it.

I mean, look at the dating climate, so unfair for women, so difficult for women to date today, even. Remember, I was talking about like back in the days, let’s say in the ’50s, surely there was a lot of bad things not in favor for women, and thank God we changed a lot of things since then. But one of the things that I personally kind of appreciate with that era, even though I didn’t live in that era, but just what we know of that era type of thing. I mean, I’m sure there are always things that weren’t good, etc, but the fact that men were gentlemen back then, the fact that men were courting women, the fact that men were chasing women, and women were the one picking which man they would be.

This is something, if you also look into the animal kingdom, you will see that, you see this trend in many animal species. I do also believe, I mean, again, I’m not an evolutionary researcher here, but I’ve done my share of research, reading. I read a lot on the subject. Of course, ultimately, this is just my view, this is just my opinion, etc. But I do think that a woman has been the one choosing and man is the Hunter and man is the one chasing the woman. Some people are really making fun of this narrative thinking that, okay, well, that’s just outdated, and blah, blah, blah.

But you know what I think? I actually think that it serves a purpose. This is why I also started teaching so much about femininity, and as a woman relating to the masculine dynamic, because I do think that masculine and feminine roles really do serve us and they were actually, originated from a reason. But in today’s society, it has escalated to the point that we are not even allowed to have sexists today. I’m not saying anything today, LGBQT plus community at all. I think that’s absolutely fine. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing something different or not wanting to feel connected to a certain sex or anything like that.

The conversation is really not about that. I support LGBQT plus fully, but I do want to say that, us, who feel that, okay, we are happy to be a woman, we like the opposite sex, I think that for us, it is important to think about that masculinity and femininity really does serve as a great purpose, and it does stem from an evolutionary perspective, from a reason that actually was serving us. It’s really a shame that we are now changing it up, and then also kind of creating a little bit as a mess out of it. I do think that a lot of things are not working out. As an example, I think, I mean, this is just my own personal perspective.

Again, I’m not a psychologist or a researcher in the subject, so I won’t fully know, but this is just what I think I do think, as an example, that if women and men would step in more to their femininity and masculinity, I don’t think divorce rates would be as high, as an example. I think more couples would be able to stay together, and I also think that will create better families and just better dynamic. But we have now instead, entered an era of confusion. A confusion where women feel like they have to act like men in order to feel validated, in order to feel respected in our society.

I mean, for us to feel worthy, we have to be a man. We have to act like a man. We have to copy men. We have to dress like men, we have to work as hard as men, we have to earn as much as men, we have to pay as much as men. We have to also be as cold as men. And we have to suffocate certain things that makes us women that are very common for women, we have to suffocate that and not show it, because if we show it, we are weak, and that’s not the norm.

Gosh, ladies, there are so many things on the subject that I want to talk to you about. I know that in today’s episode, we’re not even going to cover everything, but I’m happy to cover as much as I can, but this is a subject that really needs to be revisited, and this is why I refuse to stop talking about it. Even though, of course, even I get labeled for gold digger. The woman who I don’t know, runs a school for gold diggers, or is a gold digger, whatever. I mean, honestly, ladies, I really don’t care at this stage. I truly, truly don’t care.

If my energy of not caring can transmit to you, then please, I want to share this energy with you, because it’s liberating, and I think it’s the right thing to do for myself. If you feel this is the right thing to do for yourself, then do it. Hopefully I can help you in some way or another. Hopefully I can support you on this journey. Oh, ladies, I had to pause for a second, by the way, because I have a bunch of notes in front of me of everything that I’m supposed to cover in this episode. Can I tell you one thing?

I am already talking for a really long time, I realized, and I’m still just add my introduction. The whole content that I wanted to get to, it seems like I’m not going to be able to get to in this episode. Okay. I will probably have to change the title all of this up, so everything. Okay. You’re really getting the raw version here. This is the reality sometimes, that you get carried away, but I hope it was worth it for you. I think there was a lot of things that I wanted to share with you that it was important for me to share with you, but I’m actually, I’m not finished yet, but I just realized that … Okay. Maybe it’s a beginner podcasting mistake, but I’ve literally just been talking about my introduction for almost the entire podcast episode time, and that’s truly an epic fail.

I think though, it was an important conversation to have. Maybe I will be doing multiple parts of this conversation. So, in the next episode, on this subject, I will be actually covering the points that I wanted to share with you today, which is why I believe men should be paying and should be providing for women, but I still want to hear from you ladies on that subject. But anyway, ladies, before I wrap up, I actually want to finish off what I wanted to say in my introduction. Yeah, it got a little bit long, it got a little bit out of hand, but there’s just so much for me to tell you. You don’t understand. This subject is just one of those for me. I can talk about this for days.

Okay. So, I just want to circle back when it comes to the attitude. I think this is what connects with my work in teaching women how to set boundaries. Because an attitude is never going to change if we don’t request a change, if we don’t set boundaries, and if we don’t execute our boundary setting skills with full confidence. This is why confidence and boundaries is such a key thing in School Of Affluence and in my free content. We need to start grooming society. We need to start grooming men and request a change, that we want to be treated differently. That it’s not just about the money, it’s about the attitude of the man, where he feels that he wants to look after his woman, that he feels responsible for the woman.

Also, responsible for the woman has such a negative connotation today. Let me tell you one thing, ladies. Now, the way nature created us was that the woman is responsible for the child. It doesn’t matter how much we try to have men involved in childcare, which is, by the way, I’m very pro that. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but we are lying to ourselves if we really going to claim that, oh man, it can be equally responsible for a child as the woman. That is just not possible, because women has different like biological body ties to a child than a man has.

The child comes out of her. That creates a different bond and will forever be a different bond than the man who impregnated the woman and who got a child, even though that’s also a very strong bond, and I’m not minimizing that at all, and I’m not saying men love their children less or anything. No, no, no, no, no, no. Not at all. Men can be fantastic fathers and take fantastic care of children truly. But what I’m trying to say, that this is a thing that is just wired in us, which puts the woman to forever be responsible for the child, whereas the man can never really be that responsible for the child.

He will never really develop that gene as much as she will. So, as the woman is responsible for the child, and the child is the most vulnerable creature out of child, woman, and man, after child, comes woman. She is the second most vulnerable in our society as a creature. I’m talking now between the child, the woman and the man. Lastly, the man, he’s the least vulnerable in our society, and also biologically, he is the least vulnerable. Biologically, women and children are more vulnerable, which is why the woman is responsible for the child, and which is why, I believe, the man should be responsible for the woman, because he is the least vulnerable in our society.

This is why it is so important that we change this attitude, where men actually take that responsibility and they feel proud of it, and they carry that responsibility with pride. Instead of looking at it as, if I’m responsible for a woman, then she’s using me, she’s abusing me, I am paying for a prostitute, why should I pay to have a woman by my side? All of these cliche things that I’m sure we have heard a lot of men say, but we will talk about these things in another episode. When a man takes full responsibility of the woman, he steps into his masculinity.

That’s when he is the best hunter, that’s when he is the best provider when he allows the woman to do what she does best, and he allows himself to do what he does best. I believe this masculine and feminine roles are very healthy for the dynamic. I also believe that they reduce fights. Like I said, they reduce confusion. As an example, I’ve mentioned, in probably one of my videos, that one of the things that I feel is so liberating in my household is the fact that there is not even a conversation about who’s going to do what. We know what we’re going to do, because my man steps into his masculinity and I step into my femininity.

He’s the provider, I am the homemaker. If I am also a full-time worker, which I am, then I make sure that the home gets managed somehow so that I can focus on my work, but I’m still responsible for the home, to make sure that it’s managed, as an example. Oh, and by the way, I’m happy I actually just mentioned that, because another stereotype that I personally get is, when people claim that, just because I talk about men providing for women, means that I don’t want women to work or women shouldn’t work and women shouldn’t take a leadership position in our society, etc. For those of you who are new to this conversation of mine, you need to know that I do support women to be working if they want.

I am, myself, a full-time worker, and I absolutely love it. What I am personally passionate about in my conversation about men providing for women is the fact that I believe a woman should have the option to choose whether she should be working or not working. She shouldn’t be forced into a stereotype, and she shouldn’t be forced into a way of living that is actually adapted to the man. Remember, I said in the beginning of this episode, our society is structured around the man’s cycle, that he’s able to perform every day on the basis where his cycle gets renewed every 24 hours, meaning that he is good to go every single day to go to work if necessary, to go out hunting if necessary, but women are actually not built this way.

We have a 28 day cycle. We have weeks in our cycle where we literally cannot perform, or we are very tired, or we really need to go inwardly, not communicate, not socialize, nothing. I mean, it’s really depends of course, on the woman, but generally speaking, we all have these influences in our cycle, which means that it’s actually sometimes very difficult for women to keep up with the cycle of the man. This is why I believe that women should choose if she should work or not. It should be her choice, especially if she gets children.

I don’t think a woman should be forced to run a household, to run a childcare at home, raise kids, at the same time, work full-time, and also cater to the needs of her husband or her partner. I think that is crazy. I think that’s insanity, and it’s time for us women to wake up for this, because this is the biggest unfairness that we are seeing in our society today. But at the same time, I am aware that we need female leaders in this world and we do need females in the workspace, which is why I am definitely pro the woman deciding for what she wants to do with her life. If she wants to work, if she doesn’t want to work, if she wants to be a full-blown career woman, business owner, you name it, allow her to make that decision for herself, instead of forcing her into a stereotype that was created for men.

I am, of course, aware that are going against this norm is very difficult. You can do it with certain type of men. For instance, if you meet a man who actually supports this, meaning that, okay, you as my woman, you decide if you want to work or not, I support you equally, I will be providing for you, I will be giving you allowance regardless. Now, that’s something that I think is very beneficial, but of course, we don’t have many men like that today. They exist, so don’t think that it’s game over. They do exist, but it’s definitely harder and harder to find them.

But I think, when we start setting boundaries as women and when we really start sending those boundaries out to universe, we actually start attracting a different type of man. I do believe that the rotten eggs, if we can call them like that, they will stay their way, out of the way, when they see a woman who is strong woman, who sets strong boundaries, I think they will be like, okay, well, I guess I can’t mess around there easily. Let me move on to an easier target, right? I don’t want this to sound as if men are mean creatures at all.

You know I’ve spoken about this, even in the episode where I spoke to Alexis, men are not a devil. Men are not the ones that we should blame things for, but we also need to understand that they have been educated in a different way and groomed in a different way than us women. Also, biologically, we are wired a little bit different, meaning that, maybe it’s easier for them to capitalize on the weak boundaries, and they don’t find that difficult because they feel very comfortable with being in power. As I’m mentioning this, I really want you to understand that this is something you need to be aware of.

Weak boundaries attract men capitalizing on that. Sometimes, like I said, men does not necessarily have to be evil to capitalize on weak boundaries. They sometimes do it subconsciously. Because I mean, humans are egoistical creatures in the end of the day. We have a survival instinct. We have an ego. So, obviously, we are always to, one way or another, going to always do what’s better for ourselves, no matter if you’re a man or a woman. That’s our survival instincts. We need this egoism in us in order to survive. But I do see how men are allowed to have a bigger ego in our society than women.

Women are really groomed to put their ego aside, to tend to others, to cater for others, to be sometimes the second class citizen. It’s like she has to do things on the expense of herself and is being celebrated. I think this is what we need to also stop. But again, that’s another massive conversation. I feel like this conversation, there’s just so much to say, and I don’t know if I’ve been mumbling through or being all messy in this episode. I am going to really structure it clear for you if you feel like it’s all very overwhelming.

There’s a lot of information about this, but we need to really talk about this, because the boundaries, they need to start being put in action as they are not going to happen overnight. It’s not easy to set boundaries, especially if you have very weak boundaries and you feel incredibly uncomfortable. This is why, in the Secrets of the Elite Woman, I tell my students that you need to really get comfortable with the uncomfortable, and that’s something that we practice doing in that program. But one last thing before I end today’s a mumbling conversation about why men should pay is, men have gotten spoiled, ladies, but it’s our responsibility to reclaim that.

They are going to continue being spoiled unless we do something about it. So, it’s really up to us. They’re not going to magically decide one day and wake up like, oh, okay, let’s all just change in favor for women. No, we have to unfortunately, groom them for this. We have to groom ourselves for this. We have to set boundaries. We have to set our expectations. We really have to position ourselves, where we are the one being chased, and where we are not the desperate ones. Men have to make an effort with us.

That is a new mantra. That is your mantra when you are setting those boundaries. You are not some desperate woman. Okay? I want you to look over, if you have any of those desperate feelings, because that’s the easiest, the fastest way a woman gives away her power to men. It is very important, if we want to become empowered as women, is to actually reclaim our power. I’m not saying we have to be dominating men. I’m not claiming that, because that goes again, the dynamic of masculinity and femininity, but we definitely need to step up our game, ladies, and we definitely need to empower ourselves by taking back this power.

I hope this episode has helped you. I will be doing a second episode, especially since this one didn’t really go as I had planned it to go, but that’s good in a way. That means that I can continue this conversation in the near future. Meanwhile, until then, please write to me on Instagram with your reasoning to why men should pay. I really want to hear all of your opinions because I don’t want to only share my opinion on this topic, I also want to share yours. This is what’s so important. We need to really unite our voices on this subject, ladies.

We can’t just have one person talking about it either. I cannot be the only one in social media talking about it. We really need to have more and more people spreading this message, talking about this. This is the only way we can actually create a change, but the change ultimately starts within us. Again, it’s about those boundaries. It’s about the confidence. Now, ladies, I hope you have enjoyed this episode. If you disagree with me on some of these subjects, it’s absolutely fine. I believe it’s healthy to disagree as long as it’s done respectfully, but perhaps you want to hear more about this subject, and I think you should before you make up your mind.

Like I said, there is so much more that I actually want to share on the subject. I literally feel like this 45 minute or an hour, I don’t know how long we’ve spoken now, isn’t enough. It’s not enough, and I didn’t get everything said in this episode, which is why this conversation is going to continue. This is not the last time you heard me talk about this. All right, ladies, I will see you next Wednesday. No, wait, I will talk to you next Wednesday, and I really can’t wait for that. Meanwhile, don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast.

Don’t forget to check out my Instagram @annabey, and also my YouTube channel Anna Bey Official. And if you are interested in joining Secrets of the Elite Woman program, we are currently closed for enrollment, but we are going to open up the doors soon. So, visit schoolofaffluence.com if you want to put yourself on the wait list. Also, if you’re able to leave a review for this podcast, wherever you listen from, I would be so happy if you did that. That would really mean a lot to me, and that would also be a sign of your appreciation if you enjoy what I do. Thank you so much, ladies. I will talk to you next Wednesday. (singing).


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Anna Bey is an educator in the elegant feminine empowerment space and the founder of an online finishing school for women. She can confidently call herself a pioneer in this genre because she was the first to be sharing content in this niche since 2012.

Anna Bey is an expert on Modern Elegance™, upscale transformations, and leveling up, with over 150 million channel views. Since 2012, she has taught women how to develop a more refined personal presence and lifestyle inside the Anna Bey Academy, where she hosts her various classes and courses. Her publication features include The Times UK, Newsweek, New York Post, Cosmopolitan, and many more.

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