What is modern elegance? Get this right and the details will come easily

What is modern elegance?

Believe it or not, I get asked this question often. Women want to know how to be more elegant when everyone around them is following trends and buying fast fashion. 

But, since elegance is timeless, what makes modern elegance fashion and etiquette different than traditional elegance? The answer is — mindset. It’s more flexible – it gives you more options and allows for a bit of playfulness. Having said that, there are three main principles that you need to get right first. Then, the rest will follow.  

#1 – Modern Elegant Mindset

What it means to be elegant? I would say it’s about respect. Respecting others, self-respect and prioritizing your values

As an elegant woman, you don’t chase men, you don’t get into too much drama, and you don’t remain in toxic situations. You value your time, money, and peace of mind. You prioritize health and authentic connections over temporary pleasures or fleeting validation.

You don’t flaunt your wealth… you are discrete. And although you are proud of your accomplishments, you never look down on anybody.

Traditional elegance was a bit more rigid. Values were passed down in the family and women didn’t have as much freedom of choice. 

But now we do have that freedom. And if you want to truly benefit from the elegance modern society can offer, you will use that freedom to uplift yourself and others.

#2 – Modern Elegant Style

Modern elegant fashion is about having a sophisticated style that will help you stand out from the crowd. It’s based on some key features…

…the first is quality over quantity. A capsule wardrobe with classic pieces will take you much further than a walk-in closet full of the same outfits everyone else is wearing. You can still be creative and pick out some trendy elements here and there, but in moderation.

The second is that you dress for the occasion. This is both for your own sake as well as to show respect to the host, venue, or event. It might take a little research at first, but then it’ll become like second-nature. Also, your clothes must be clean and steamed!

The third is about complimenting your natural features, such as your body shape and complexion. Are you warm or cool-toned? Which cuts suit you best? Mastering this will help you exude confidence and femininity.

If you’d like to learn how to be more elegant while expressing your personal style, take my elegant style personality quiz.

#3 – Modern Elegant Behavior

Elegant behavior is a natural extension of mindset and style. You’ve probably noticed yourself behaving more gracefully when you’re well-dressed.

But I won’t lie to you. I have encountered a few ladies (and men) that were dressed to the nines yet behaved in a not-so-elegant way. Speaking of that, have you watched my video on the Tinder Swindler yet? 

Elegant behavior is not just about dressing appropriately. And it’s not even about etiquette and deportment, though those are important as well.  It’s about how you behave towards other people.

  • Are you polite to the wait staff?
  • Do you maintain your boundaries?
  • Are you punctual?
  • Do you apologize when you’re wrong?

The list goes on. But the bottom line is that, in modern elegance, your behavior says more about you than how much money you inherited or what family you come from. And that’s a good thing, because it’s something you can control.


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Anna Bey is an educator in the elegant feminine empowerment space and the founder of an online finishing school for women. She can confidently call herself a pioneer in this genre because she was the first to be sharing content in this niche since 2012.

Author picture

Anna Bey is an expert on Modern Elegance™, upscale transformations, and leveling up, with over 150 million channel views. Since 2012, she has taught women how to develop a more refined personal presence and lifestyle inside the Anna Bey Academy, where she hosts her various classes and courses. Her publication features include The Times UK, Newsweek, New York Post, Cosmopolitan, and many more.

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