No more imposter syndrome. Feel elegant, confident & at ease in high society

Podcast Episode 14

My dear elegant podcast listeners, welcome back to a new week. This is Wednesday. And ladies last week, I said we were on episode 12, although actually we were an episode 13. So today we have episode 14 and today we’re going to talk about imposter syndrome because believe it or not, majority of us have imposter syndrome, at least at some point in our life. It’s incredibly common and it’s not some psychological disorder or anything like that. It is just some intrusive thoughts that we are going to really dissect today because I noticed that when we embark on this journey of personal upgrade of transformation, and also if we want to seek out the finer things in life and join the affluent community, your imposter syndrome is going to be easily triggered. Okay. So for us in this community, in this niche, is there incredibly important to talk about imposter syndrome? And I want to go really deep on it today. I’m going to share some of my personal stories of imposter syndrome, but I’m also going to give you some other typical examples because I’ve actually even asked on my Anna bey podcast, Instagram accounts, how you, my dear elegant listeners feel when it comes to imposter syndrome. If, if you’ve ever had it, please tell me more about it. And I’ve received loads of DMS with your own imposter syndrome experiences. So I’m also going to include some of those today.

Now let’s begin with the understanding of the imposter syndrome and imposter syndrome can be really described in many different ways. I would say that the most common description is kind of a fear of being found out as if you are not qualified or if you are not belonging somewhere, or even if, as if you are a fraud. I think that many women, especially in the transformational stage feel sometimes that they are perhaps only playing a role, but that’s not really who they are that they’re just being pretentious, that they’re pretending to be somebody they’re not, and that everybody is seeing it or going to discover it. Hence they’re going to be found out. Now, I would also go as far to say that imposter syndrome, it’s very much connected to like the really big psychological areas where I think most of us have. I mean, every single person at some point in their life feel as a sense of self doubt, unless less perhaps you’re narcissistic, you know, but we all feel these kinds of things.

We, many of us also feel like unworthy or not good enough. And all of these feelings are very much connected to being, or feeling like an imposter. I think kind of a very good explanation is when you feel that you are really out of your league. And when I say, when you feel out of your league, I mean, such as you might be feeling that you don’t belong in the affluent community, or let’s say you are not good enough for the man who has a pedigree and comes from an old money background, or maybe you feel like, okay, if I enter now high society here, everybody’s going to notice that I am just a regular Joe who comes from a regular background. I’m going to be found out no matter how well I dress, no matter how well-behaved I am, eventually everybody’s going to find out, laugh at me and judge me.

And did you know, by the way that women actually statistically have more often imposter syndrome than men. Ladies, this is so typical because unfortunately society, groom, men to be, to be more confident, et cetera. And women kind of, I don’t know, society somehow encouraged us women to have self-doubt to, to feel, you know, less worthy, et cetera, meaning that I’m not surprised why statistically women have more often imposter syndrome, but of course it’s it’s not just because of that. There are more reasons to, to soap, but I want you all to really understand that if you have right now imposter syndrome, or if you have had it in the past, it’s normal majority habits, majority have gone through it. It’s really just parts of not having enough confidence or having intrusive thoughts that come and the spook in your mind really. But going back, because I want to share a few examples with you.

I mean, I remember when a time I had imposter syndrome and this is actually very common because when I also asked around you ladies, when you have felt imposter syndrome, I noticed what a big percentage came back with the answer that you had imposter syndrome in your line of work, whether it was that you got a promotion and you felt like you didn’t deserve it, or you got a pay raise and you felt you didn’t deserve that. Or let’s say you felt like you got a job, but you weren’t qualified for the job. And as you are in this new workplace, everybody’s going to find out that you’re just an imposter, that you can’t really do this job. So you really have to be on your best behavior. And you might have so much anxiety in the first month, et cetera. And this is probably by far something that I think almost everyone of us have felt to some degree.

I have certainly felt it as well in numerous jobs that I have had. I even remember when I, I even remember that I actually had it when I applied to become a dancer in a night club in the Ibiza. So for those of you who don’t know the story, when I was 20 years old, I moved to Ibiza after I had been in Rome. I didn’t know what I was going to do in the Ibiza. So I got a job as an animator in the hotel. However, that hotel did not like my performance because I simply was not cut for the role as an animator. You really have to have assertive personality for that. Like very bubbly, outgoing, social extroverts. And I am more of an ambivert. Okay. So I got fired from the job, meaning that I was in Ibiza, didn’t know what to do.

I opened the newspaper one day and I saw that they were doing additions for one of the most prestigious clubs in Ibiza. And for those of you who never been to Ibiza, you need to also understand that in Ibiza, it’s all about the nightclubs. It’s almost like their religion. Okay, well, the DJs comes, they’re kind of the gods. So then the night’s see in is on the very high level. So, and it also attracts a very international crowd. It attracts a very high end crowd as well. So it’s not just some, you know, tacky old nightclub in, you know, in some basement somewhere we’re talking now big nightclubs that host thousands of people. We talking about night clubs who invest a lot of money in their nights in their productions, et cetera. So when I saw this ad of this nightclub called Amnesia, which is still one of Ibiza’s most famous as most high level nightclubs, they were searching for dancers.

Okay. Why not try that? But then again, the thought hits me. Who do you think you are? Do you think you’re a dancer? Have you ever worked as a dancer? I asked myself. And of course the answer was no, I’ve never worked as a dancer, but I did dance ballet for X amount of years growing up. So I do have some dance background and they also some Latin dance, but yeah, I, I’m not really a dancer. I would say. However one would ask me. Okay. Well, if you kind of didn’t feel like you were a dancer did you actually have an impulsive syndrome and did you act on it? And I did have imposter syndrome because I applied for the job while I was asking myself, what am I doing? I’m not a dancer. I don’t know how to dance in the night club. I’ve never done that before.

I’ve never been on a podium or a stage or anything like that. I don’t have even theatrical background. So what am I going to do here? If you ask me today about, okay, why did you apply then if you felt so unsure? And I would probably say that I don’t think I really had a choice because I was without a job. I had just been fired. I was looking for a job. I, in the way was desperate for a job I needed, you know, I wanted so desperately to stay in Ibiza. The summer hadn’t even started yet. I think we’re talking now about early May and the season usually starts end of May. So I just knew I wanted to stay on, I didn’t really know what else I was going to do. So I applied, even though I felt so, so scared, you know, but I was accepted to come for a first edition.

So I was really nervous. I was practicing a little bit at home back then. We didn’t have We’re talking now 2000. And what was it? Five, six or something like that while anyway, mid two thousands. I don’t think we had YouTube back then, so I couldn’t just go and Google something and find out, okay, how do you look when you dance in a nightclub in Ibiza? So I couldn’t do any research. What I had to do. I was just, I had to simply go and wing it. And luckily I am actually a good dancer by nature. I have a very easy to follow a rhythm and, and so on, especially if I do freestyle dancing, I’m not so good at choreography dancing to tell you the truth. I’m much better at freestyling. However, I didn’t think I was good enough for this, but I went and I auditioned, they liked me.

I got the job. I didn’t understand why I got the job. I don’t have any dancing background, but I got it. And then the job started and I met all the other dancers and they quickly realized that, okay, out of this, this group of, I think we were 20, 25 dancers. So again, it’s a big production we’re talking about. It’s Ibiza after all, I noticed that I was definitely in on the, I noticed that I was definitely one of the low level dancers because together with me, you really had a high-level dancers. You had some really experienced dancers. And as the dancing group that we were, we had a hierarchy. So just to kind of describe it without going too deep into my dancing story. But back then in Amnesia, you had the main room as the kind of cool room and the Terasse area, which was the second room was less of a cooler place.

So today the roles are actually reversed today. The Terasse is the cool area in Amnesia and Ibiza. And the kind of the other room is like less cool if I can’t explain it like that. But anyway, so I was dancing in the cool room in the main room. And there you have, basically, it goes, it’s like a long balcony that is right in front of the VIP. So basically you are dancing on the level of the VIP section where, you know, all the affluent people have their tables tables that by the way, costs a lot of money. Like let’s say they started the 15, 20 K per table, some of them. So there are five spots where they put dancers, you have one spot, which is next to the DJ stand, which is kind of dark and you can’t really see properly.

That was the worst spot to get it because you’re not seeing, you’re not in center. People don’t really notice you there. And then you have two additional balconies that actually kind of pop out from the, how can I say, long balcony that everybody stands on to try to paint the picture for you. And the middle balcony is the most prestige spot. And then you have a secondary balcony, which is the second prestige spot. And then you have two spots in between those balconies, which are more like right in front of the tables and they are kind of third best. And then the last was like the spot next to the DJ. So obviously I was dancing a lot of the spots next to the DJ because I was not as experienced as the other dancers, but because I was not as experienced as the other dancers.

And I really did feel that I was an imposter. And I really did think that I would also going to get fired at any point, especially I had just been fired from my previous job in the hotel. So why would they keep me, especially now that they give me the worst spot to dance on. But what I did in order to kind of calm my imposter syndrome and manage it somehow is that I started to work extra hard. And this is very common. When you deal with imposter syndrome, you really try to overcompensate. It can be by becoming a perfectionist by overworking yourself, by trying too hard, it can be improving your competence because you just want to feel in control of the situation or you feel like you need to become the expert that this role demands you for. And so on.

So what I therefore did is that I started to work extra hard on my dancing skills, and I was really analyzing the good dancers. What did they do? What tricks did they do? What was it about them that make them be so popular and be such great dancers? And I was just really trying my very, very best to, to upgrade my dancing skills. So what happened is that I started leaving that little corner and I moved up and I did end up even dancing in the middle balcony. I remember by the way, that’s a very clearly when the dance manager promoted me for the middle balcony ladies, that was such a victory because then, you know, I fell no longer as an imposter. I felt so confident, and that was just, you know, feeling like an amazing dancer. And all of a sudden, all this confidence has grown to me. And I didn’t really care about the imposter syndrome anymore.

Why am I telling you this really long story? Well, it’s to also understand the kind of journey of imposter syndrome is that yes. You know, sometimes you will feel like an imposter syndrome, but usually it will leave you the more experience you gain and the more confident you feel in the role. And the more also you invest in yourself, but not to confuse that with you now, having to become perfectionistic or workaholic or forcing yourself to have top level competence. Otherwise you’re not going to do it in order to feel that you can cope with this imposter syndrome. No, what I’m saying is that this is just a natural course of how we sometimes manage imposter syndrome and how it might look when it kind of leaves us. Another great example of the imposter syndrome. I’m actually going to read her a message that at one of you, ladies sent to me to my Anna Bey podcast Instagram account, and she shared her experience with imposter syndrome.

Hi, Anna. I started leveling out about two years ago. I got a really great job that allowed me to travel around the world and meet very successful and influential men. I started to change my standards in life and wanted to live an affluent lifestyle. And then I found your channel. I was leveling up quickly and started seeing my current partner – an older, much wealthier and successful man that I had met through my work. So I started swapping my H & M and Zara for Botega, Burberry, et cetera. My imposter syndrome set in. When I realized my old friends, weren’t interested in seeing my new success, the jealous energy they were sending me was making me think I had done something wrong and that I was a fraud of some sort. Why else would my so-called friends be giving me the cold shoulder?

The message continues, but I’m not going to finish reading it because just to kind of give you a summary, she ended the message by sharing how she ended the relationship with kind of these jealous friends. And then her imposter syndrome magically disappeared as these friends disappeared. But the reason why I wanted to read that message is because it’s incredibly, incredibly common that we sometimes get imposter syndrome because of the people around us. How many have ever had somebody say to them? Who do you think you are? Or who do you think you are doing that? Why do you think you can be an elegant lady? Or why do you think the affluent community will want to have you around though? Some of us have that voice actually coming from ourselves. But unfortunately many of us might have people around us who actually tell us that.

Or if they don’t tell us directly, they might be implying that. Oftentimes these people let’s say there are people who are not themselves at all interested in leveling up and becoming elegant or affluent or anything like that. So in order to keep you on their level, they start manipulating the situation. By showing that you are doing a mistake, this is a very effective shaming strategy that works on people who are insecure, who are weak, or who are simply unsure of themselves, or have load of self doubt. So that would therefore trigger the imposter syndrome. Because if people are starting to judge you and like looking at you, like, Ugh, you pretentious, you think you are all of that, but you’re not really all of that. But what really happens there is that if they are being very defensive, they use you as a punching bag in order to feel better about themselves.

Because if they can dominate you, then they are still on top. But if you level up without them dominating you, then you are going to be on top. Do you see what I’m trying to say? They don’t want to feel less of themselves. Therefore they need to attack you as if you are doing something bad, something wrong. It’s easier for them. If you stay in your lane, if you stay in the lane where they are, because only then will they feel good about themselves? When you upgrade, they will not feel good about themselves anymore. They might feel perhaps less attractive than you, or less elegant than you, or less affluent than you or who knows. They might even be reminded of that. You know what? Anyone can upgrade in life, but you chose not to. So you are the one who’s bad. So people have all kinds of mechanisms in order to escape these uncomfortable feelings within themselves. So the easiest way is to judge you and to talk poorly about you. And it’s very, very important ladies that you see past this manipulation strategy and not let this affect you. This is a very good example. When awareness comes into play and actually resolves a situation, because the more you are aware of how people try to manipulate you, the less power you actually give them. So that’s all thanks to awareness.

We have another interesting situation, which I also believe many of you will experience in the affluent community. Is when you mix with people who are being snobbish, because they might not say it directly, but there are certainly going to give you judging, looks and look at you from top to bottom and think for themselves, who does she think she is? Why is she here? Why does she think she belongs here? She’s an outsider. Go back to where you came from. Human beings are beings who send energy. So we can definitely feel sometimes these type of people with their nasty looks and their judgmental thoughts. But again, in a situation like this, we need to work with our awareness to understand what’s actually going on here with these snobbish people. What’s oftentimes going on is the fact that this person who is acting very snobbish or rude is actually quite insecure themselves.

They might feel threatened by a new person in the group. Therefore need to put on all the defenses possible to make sure that that person does not infiltrate. Meaning psychology is one big tool to reject somebody without actually having to use force. Women are really good at this. Women love psychology and manipulation in order to, to win the battle versus men. Oftentimes just like to fight each other physically. But anyway insecurity definitely is a very common traits and people who are very snobbish, but it’s also another manipulative strategy that you must see past and whatever that is, whether it’s a defense system that they switch on because they’re afraid of newcomers or because they feel threatened because they feel insecure. Who knows? The point is whenever you come across a snobbish person, you have to work with your awareness and understand that, or whatever’s going on with them has nothing to do with you.

If they’re judging you from head to toe, that has nothing to do with you. They’re judging you, not because you are a creep or a fraud or horrible in some formal way, they’re judging you because they’re just trying to find anything that they can project onto you. Oftentimes actually people end up projecting their own stuff onto another person. So if a snobbish person says that, oh, well, she’s just an intruder. She is just a wannabe while I’m sure that that comes from a place where that person has felt like they are a wannabe or they are an intruder. Okay. We seldom say that somebody is something that we ourselves have never experienced the feeling of that. Do you see what I’m coming from? That is projection. And that’s often what happens in situations like this. And sometimes people just want to be mean because nobody’s perfect.

Of course, they’re going to be flaws in you, in me and everybody. And sometimes a person can just see a flaw and blow it out of proportion or get stuck on that flaw and make it a big deal. You know what I mean? Versus in reality, if you just accept yourself for who you are with all your flaws, then does it really matter if you come in there as a newcomer in a group and yes, maybe you don’t have a designer handbag and maybe in some people’s eyes it’s seen as a flaw, but really who cares. Is that really what matters? You know? So it’s really about understanding that you are who you are. You are a great person and you also come with flaws, but that’s okay because you are just trying to be the best possible version of yourself that you can be. And that’s not really a big deal.

So to continue the conversation about the affluent community and I think many of us have many angles on how we might feel as an imposter over there, but definitely the overall is that we feel like we don’t belong in high society with the affluent crowd, et cetera, because we didn’t come from it. And that’s also another thing that I would like to ask, why do we have to be born into wealth in order to feel comfortable of mixing with wealth? For me, that makes absolutely no sense. Especially as in today, the society has become so modern. So evolved on the path of being more inclusive, that a high society is not what it used to be in the past. Now it’s not just for the noble and for the aristocracy. Now it’s really more about your achievements your interests, your lifestyle, perhaps your wealth as well.

And of course your connections. Now in some communities and in some countries, it might still be very old school, but it’s all about pedigree. As I was mentioning in my latest YouTube video about Kate Middleton’s transformation story there, I was touching upon how in the UK there, you cannot just have wealth in order to qualify as being part of the inner elites. Okay. And I’m really talking about the high, high level elite, because there are different levels of the elite. There are different groups in the affluent community and different groups have different levels of difficulty of access. So if you want to mingle with the Royals of the UK is definitely going to be more on the very difficult level like Kate had to experience, and you really have to have connections and pedigree in order to get into those circles. But just going back to what I was talking about.

So we need to understand that anyone of us can belong to the affluent community, as long as we just put ourselves there and start networking, start building relationships, start upgrading ourselves to how things in common with that community, et cetera. So it’s not very difficult these days. Okay. And for this reason, I want you to understand that don’t put too much pressure on yourself that you have this kind of very outdated stereotype high society, but like hundred years ago, that that’s how it works today. It doesn’t, it’s much easier. And that’s a wonderful thing because that means that high society has become much more inclusive than it has in the past. Now, continuing one of the messages that you have DM me to Anna Bey podcasts, Instagram account, and please do that by the way, from time to time when I ask you about certain subjects, because it’s so interesting to hear your side to the story.

So one lady sent me. Yes, I have felt imposter syndrome. Like you feel like you don’t belong there in the affluent community. And you always fear that people will think that you want to just use them. One time, I was at a dinner with very high profile people, and that was sitting next to them having a conversation, but I always felt insecure to speak about what I do. So the conversation was mostly about them, but then again, I feared they felt like in an interview. So I wasn’t relaxed. I think that, or it’s very common, this thing of not knowing what you’re going to talk about, what the affluent you think that they’re going to have some really magical topics of their own that you must discover before you even try to access that community. And I’m laughing because I have my own experience from this.

I’ve shared that I don’t have, as an example, academic studies, I didn’t properly go to university. I only kind of took one course at university, a language course, but I don’t have higher education studies. And you know, how it is in our society. I mean, I think it’s becoming less and less, especially with the kind of new era of self-made people. But certainly in my early twenties, I felt like a total loser who didn’t have any higher education. And definitely I heard it also from my family. And you could also hear it from people around, et cetera, this pressure that unless you have gone to university or done any academic studies only then are you smart, bright and intelligent? So in my early twenties, when of course I was much less secure in myself, I doubted myself a lot back then.

I thought that there was no way I could be part of the affluent because what am I going to talk to them about? I don’t even have higher education. I won’t have anything to say to them. And that did haunt me for some time, meaning that. When I had the opportunity to mingle with the affluence and be part of that community, I oftentimes shied away from conversation or just stayed silent or even did what this lady did. I would just make it all about them in order not to make it about myself. Because what if we start talking about topics where let’s say, I wouldn’t know what to answer. But then as I started to have more and more experience in the affluent community, I started really realizing that there is so much fiction in our heads going around that it’s like, it’s a myth that we almost need to debunk.

You think that all the affluent, you know, people are sitting there just talking about this really complicated issues and things only an academic minds will fully be able to grasp understand. Of course not. Or you will certainly have the type of conversations and you might have actually more of them, depending on what type of affluent group you mingle with or in what type of affluence setting you are in. Because certainly certain people who have certain backgrounds in common, let’s say they have studied similar things or they work with similar things in the group setting. Yes. The conversation might really be a lot about that topic or something similar in those lines might not be so much about travel and restaurant recommendations, you know, but that’s okay. You know, at least you are aware that, okay, would that group, there’s going to be that type of vibe, but that’s not the entire affluent community.

And that’s what I started to discovering that actually many talk about absolutely everything, everything from, like I said, travel and restaurant recommendations, which is actually a very common topic to simple life matters or fun facts, or how was it your weekends or where are you traveling this summer? You know, or even some more philosophical conversation, politics as well. So you have absolutely everything. You have also inappropriate conversation, even with the affluent. So there isn’t really a strict formula, what the affluent talk about. And that’s, what’s very important to understand. I’m sharing this with you because I want you to take a little bit the edge off, because like I just mentioned, sometimes we create this fiction in our heads that make us feel like an imposter, that we cannot be part of something, because most likely it’s going to be like this. And no ladies, it’s oftentimes not exactly like how you imagine it to be you.

That’s why it’s so important to just go for it, put yourself out there, gain the experience, see with your own eyes that it’s not just black and white, that there is absolutely everything and anything. And as soon as you’re able to understand and take that edge off, then you’re also going to be able to relax in situations like that when you are actually mingling with more high-profile people and you understand that, you know what, these people, they’re just regular people. They’re just like me. They’re no better than me. They’re no worse than me. So therefore, why should I feel so nervous talking to them or thinking that they’re going to judge me? I think a big part here when we deal with imposter syndrome is really to understand your own worth, to understand that you are worthy, that there is nothing wrong with you that you are, and a unique being, you have your flaws, just like anybody, just like them.

You have your positive sides, just like anybody, just like them. And I think what’s also very interesting where imposter syndrome really gets created is that we see so much of ourselves. Like we see every single corner of the being that we are. So we see all our flaws that we sometimes even blow up in the extreme proportion, which might not even be realistic. And we also see some good sites in the us that we sometimes don’t want to believe because of all these, you know, thoughts that come to us. But when we see other people, we don’t see every single corner of them. We don’t see every single flaw of them. We don’t know every single thought that they’re thinking about themselves. We don’t see every single thing that they’re feeling about themselves. Therefore, we just see a glimpse of who they really are. And we judged them for that in a positive way. We almost put them on the pedestal thinking that they must be so skilled or they must be so perfect or they must be so competent versus me because you are aware of every single thing about yourself. No, me, I’m not as competent. I’m not as good. I’m not as elegant as them. Let’s say. So this is actually a very big reason to why imposter syndrome gets created because we have a distorted viewing of us and the other people.

I have another good example of someone who sent this to me. I feel imposter syndrome all the time. I find myself questioning if I’m only fooling myself and really everything, everyone sees is just a straggly haired, gypsy child who grew up in the swamp or Florida, messy, awkward, and ineloquent. Lately, I have been understanding more that those are just intrusive thoughts of my past and insecurity. So I think a lot of you ladies, when you are trying to upgrade yourselves and also true find yourselves to become more elegant, you are really going to feel like a fraud. Because another point there is really important to mention on this whole kind of elegant transformation is that you are not going to be elegant 24, 7, and neither are you going to be a picture perfect elegant lady that never does a mistake in your life. Okay?

But this is the thing that people associate elegance too much with perfectionism, which is something that I’m, I’m actually trying to, to break because it’s an outdated stereotype and has nothing to do with kind of the modern reality that we’re in. And neither is actually going to serve us on our elegance journey. As an example, the whole point of becoming an elegance lady is that you use elegance as a tool to refine bad habits of yours, to improve certain bad areas of yours that need work improvement. Okay. I, myself, I don’t want to be perfect. I really, really don’t. I want to have a little bit of spice and flavor in my personality. I don’t want to be a stereotype of elegance and I have mindfully chosen so. So just to kind of show you that we are not picture perfect little ladies running around and neither should you again, create this fiction in your head.

That that’s the reality. It’s not just do what you want to do, be who you want to be and use the tools that are given to you in whatever way you want. So again, we have the great method of taking the edge off, whatever you are pressuring yourself to, and the perfectionism that you are creating in your head, take that edge off. It doesn’t matter that much trust yourself, that you can validate your own self, your own self worth, that you don’t have to lay that validation in other people’s eyes. I mean, that’s the ultimate goal. I think in our transformation is to feel so secure in ourselves. So confident that we don’t need anybody else to tell us who we are. We know who we are and we are great.

So speaking of not feeling great. What about the example of feeling that we are not good enough for the man who comes from money from pedigree, from a wealthy background. Yet you are this one who come from, let’s say a working class background, or in some cases, even a low income class backgrounds. And you feel judged for it and you feel that, okay, I’m never going to measure up to his level. I am always going to be the black sheep. I’m always going to be a less worthy, et cetera. And that type of talk by the way, already sets you up for giving away your power, just by internally thinking this type of thoughts. We have been because of back in the days, like the really old, outdated stereotypes, thinking that your family, your pedigree, your wealth, is what defines your value. And certainly we still have it in our society.

Okay. That it’s really kind of the game forward. The more money you have, the more status you have, the more power you have, et cetera. And also the more prestige family you come from, the more status you have, the more opportunities you get, et cetera. So yes, we still have it to some degree, but I still feel because people who are self-made, it’s such a growing thing, that it has helped us really to understand that, you know, what your value does not come from where you’re born, because we can clearly see that there are many interesting people around the world who have accomplished great things by coming from very modest backgrounds or even low-income class families. And it does not define who they are and it does not define their future. So why should you, you know, so I think that that’s a very positive thing.

That’s slowly, slowly changing in our climate. And I want you to also think about that and be very much aware of that, that, you know, what that’s very outdated way of thinking apply a more modern way of thinking of inclusivity, of understanding that we all have advantages. And this is about to just regardless of our backgrounds or families or income levels where we come from and those who judge people on that, what they really do is they’re just not being very inclusive. They’re just being very judgmental. And I think it signals more poorly on them that it actually does on you, who come from your humble beginnings, who try to better yourself in today’s world. So therefore when you’re dating this man with pedigree, I don’t want you to think of yourself less. And this is where you need to really work on your own self-worth to understand that, okay, well this whole thing of him being more worried than me, just because he was born into a wealthy family, it’s all just a ridiculous illusion.

Okay. That’s what it really is. It has no significant value whatsoever. We are still made out of the same flesh, meat and bone and blood, and we’re all just people. I think it’s important to really take the edge off. As I was saying, not thinking that some people are better than others. Nobody’s better than others. We’re all equal in that sense, regardless of income levels or backgrounds or whatever, and really take that with you. When you go on this date with a man of pedigree or when you are being introduced to his family for the first time, just see them as people.

So I have another DM here, which I thought was such a good example because I assure some of you ladies have this as well. And I have certainly had this myself in the past. So this lady, she feels awkward when she walks into a luxury boutique, like Hermès, Chanel, et cetera, even though she can afford it, she still feels judged and looked over from head to toe by the sales assistance. So sad, but true. And this is actually such a great example of imposter syndrome because I had this myself as well, even when I was already, you know, upgraded myself could definitely afford buying something from these stores. But every time I walked in, I just felt that somehow I did not belong here. And I do believe that somehow we have been really groomed to believe that we are different than let’s say the people who shop in these stores when we associate ourselves with the more economic crowd who have to count their pennies, et cetera, because that’s how we grew up.

So that becomes our identity. But in reality, your identity yesterday, doesn’t define who you are today. If that makes sense. So when we walk around in stores like that, even, you know what, even if you actually can’t afford anything like that, but it’s really important to not let your past define who you are today. Very important in my first podcast episode, that was actually the title for it. I don’t know, I don’t remember. The title actually don’t know by heart. But something in lines with, I’m not letting my past define my future. And if you were broke yesterday, but today you can afford a Chanel bag, then walk in confidently to Chanel and feel at home there because that’s who you are today. And let’s say today, you don’t unfortunately yet afford a Chanel, but walking in anyway into, and the feel aligned with the energy of the wealth there, because that’s where you’re going towards.

That’s what you will soon be able to afford. So you going in there to get acquainted with the energy, with the items, with the people, with the service, with anything it’s really like a case study. When you walk in there and you feel judged or you feel inspected now, let me tell you one thing is that definitely sales assistant are very judging and definitely more so in higher end boutiques. But let me also tell you another thing is that what often happens is that we start judging ourselves already by stepping into that door because we’re asking ourselves, oh no, what am I doing here? Or no, probably pressures that I have to purchase something. I had this myself. I would only step into these type of stores if I knew I was going to purchase something, I felt so uncomfortable stepping into these stores just to browse because I felt that, okay, they’re probably going to be looking at me thinking that I’m not here really to buy.

And they’re going to be swearing about me in the backs of their minds, thinking that I’m this big, time-waster. Again, imposter thoughts, because what in reality is happening is that, yeah. So I’m coming in here to browse. I might not afford anything today. I might not afford anything tomorrow, but I’m researching what I’m going to put on my wishlist. And that’s absolutely fine. So it’s really about taking things into perspective and understanding that you have all the rights in the world to be in stores like Hermès, Chanel, et cetera, even if you don’t afford anything today, but you are on the process of affording something another day. So it’s important that you get acquainted with this brand and what they have to offer, because that’s where you are heading.

So to kinda wrap up today’s conversation about the imposter syndrome. I think there are many more examples that we could definitely mention and feel free to DM me on Anna Bey podcast, more examples, but I think many of us in the very end feel like we somehow don’t deserve to be where we are, that we are intruding or that we that we’re just kind of faking it, I guess. And you know, I’ve spoken so much about fake it till you make it. And you know, what, if he gets here, make it as a wonderful strategy, but that doesn’t define you as a person that doesn’t put now, the label that you are an imposter, just because you’re faking it until you’re making it. Faking till you’re making it is a tool just like elegance is a tool, just like femininity is a tool, but fake it till you to make it, what it does is that you start aligning yourself with an energy that you want to grow into.

And that is incredibly powerful because what happens is that even, you know, if you believe in law of attraction, it helps you actually attract those things into your life that you wish to attract simply by sometimes faking it until you making it. But then are we really, really fakes if we seek out something that we weren’t born with or that perhaps we had to work harder before or study, or I don’t know what, what it is that you are feeling an imposter about, no imposter syndrome does not actually mean that you are a fake or a fraud or anything like that. What it means is that imposter syndrome is really lady’s intrusive thoughts. It’s your mind playing tricks with you because that’s when your self doubt gets blown out of proportion, start making up stories in your head that you end up believing. Unfortunately, some people do have some deep rooted self esteem issues when they really don’t feel worthy.

And that makes them oftentimes feel like big frauds, big imposters on a continuous basis. And that oftentimes do require some form of therapeutic help because that takes time to heal, but it’s fully possible. And I’ve seen it done many times. So don’t think that it’s game over just because maybe that is a bit of a bigger hurdle to climb, but like I was mentioning earlier, a very common reason to why will feel like an impostor is really because we lack the experience, which means that we lack the confidence. So what you really need to do is to kind of just put yourself out there, gain the experience, and then slowly the imposter feelings will fade. I also believe that in order to cure imposter syndrome, we really need to stop caring so much about it, especially caring so much what other people think or say, you know, because as long as we really are obsessed with people’s looks on you, what they think, what they say behind your back then, you’re just continuously going to give away your power to other people.

And that’s going to hinder you on your success forward because you’re just going to stop yourself from doing something. When in reality, does it really matter what they think what’s important is how you about yourself, how you value yourself, the relationship you have with yourself. That’s, what’s important, not what she thinks or he thinks no matter who they are, even if they are the President of America or they are the Royal household, it doesn’t matter what they think about you because what’s most important is what you think about yourself. That’s always going to be the top priority. And that is the winning formula to leave imposter syndrome behind you, to feel confident, to have rapid growth on your personal journey of a level up and all those things. That’s how you succeed ladies, by stop putting so much value in other people’s opinions.

Remember ladies, take the edge off from all the fiction that you create in your head. Because one thing that I have certainly learned on this journey is that not every single feeling that I feel is true, not every single thought that I feel is true. There is so much rubbish that I feel that is nonsense. That has nothing to do with reality. There is so much rubbish that my brain thinks sometimes that has nothing to do with reality, and it’s just pure imagination. So be mindful what feelings of yourselves you listen to and what thoughts of yourselves you believe in, okay. Not everything you think and feel is true. And that’s where I’m going to leave you. This week’s episode. Ladies, it’s been an intense one, but I really had to say so much on the subject because I know how many of you are struggling with this and how big of an obstacle this is in your lives.

But I don’t want you to be held back by the illusion in your head because really that’s what it is. If you look at it from a more philosophical perspective, it’s just an illusion. It doesn’t really exist is all just made up. So don’t limit yourself because of that. We are here to upgrade. We are here to network and ladies speaking on networking, by the way, before we end, I have a cheat sheet called where to meet the elite, go to millionaire, to get it is absolutely free. And it’s over 200 places where you can meet the affluent crowd and mingled with them. This will give you some ideas. If you feel like, oh, I don’t know where to meet new people. Definitely in the cheat sheet, you’re going to get loads of ideas. So make sure you go to millionaire and get that freebie.

Okay, ladies, it’s been long episode, but I really enjoyed it. I hope you have enjoyed it to continue the discussion on Anna Bey podcast, Instagram account, because there, I want to hear how you have healed your imposter syndrome. And perhaps also, when you feel like you have the imposter syndrome, I feel like when we share with each other, it helps us understand that we’re not alone. And that also helps to take the edge off because remember, I’ve been speaking so much today about taking the edge off. That is so incredibly important when you want to overcome imposter syndrome. Okay, ladies, that was it for today. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave me a review on Apple podcast. Perhaps if you’re listening there, I would really love to hear from you. Also, if you want to subscribe and haven’t done so, make sure you click that subscription button. Ladies, I will talk to you next Wednesday. Have a nice week.

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Anna Bey is an educator in the elegant feminine empowerment space and the founder of an online finishing school for women. She can confidently call herself a pioneer in this genre because she was the first to be sharing content in this niche since 2012.

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Anna Bey is an expert on Modern Elegance™, upscale transformations, and leveling up, with over 150 million channel views. Since 2012, she has taught women how to develop a more refined personal presence and lifestyle inside the Anna Bey Academy, where she hosts her various classes and courses. Her publication features include The Times UK, Newsweek, New York Post, Cosmopolitan, and many more.


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