Podcast Episode 19

My dear elegant podcast listeners, welcome to my podcast and to Wednesday, a brand new week, a brand new podcast episode. I think I said the same thing last week, by the way. And I have no idea why I started this week again, but ladies, I’m excited to have you here with me because it’s a brand new week and last week, you know, or if you followed me last week, you probably noticed how busy I was. The thing is that last week we launched the A-list, which is my brand new private members club. That is an app that you can have on your phone, on your desktop. And because it’s a brand new product. And because we had like a big launch around it last week, so much has been going on in my life in the last month, I would say, because you also have loads of weeks preparing for the actual launch of this.

And to give you a little sneak peek behind the scenes, you know. No matter how well you plan things, no matter how good you try to do things the best way possible, there’s always something that goes wrong, especially the last minute, or you have to change things around, et cetera. So I have been so incredibly busy in the last three weeks to the point that I haven’t really had a life, I would say. And I mean it when I say I haven’t had a life because I haven’t even exercised. I can’t remember the last time I went for a power walk, which is something I do pretty much every day. There was no time for it. We were so busy with this launch. And when I say we, I really do include my team as well. They have been working so hard, so big shout out to my team. I love my team by the way, it would be nothing without them.

And, but, you know, we were actually able to have a very successful launch and I’m so incredibly happy. I do know ladies, because I have received many messages from you, those who heard about the A-list app too late after we closed the doors, those who didn’t have enough time to sign up because life got in between, et cetera. So I have received loads of concerns about I want to join, but I wasn’t able last week. So when can I join? And the thing is that we have closed the doors and unfortunately we need to do this in order to, because you know, there is a verification process that every member has to go through. So for now we have a system where we need to be present when this happens, it might change in the future. So maybe in the future, it will be different. But now, ladies, unfortunately, this is how it is. So next time we will open the doors for the A-list, we will actually not announce it publicly. Yes. So if you want to join the A-list, my best advice for you is to go to the alistapp.com and put yourself on the wait list. Because next time we open the doors, we will only let people know the ones who are on the email list. Okay. So make sure you put yourself there, the alistapp.com and you will get notified next time we open the doors.

So besides that, ladies, what has been going on since we spoke last and trust me, sometimes for me, it feels like a week feels like a year. So that’s why I’m kind of saying it like, okay, what has happened since last time? But as the launch is over, I am now finally able to take some time out for myself. And that always means that I’m going to focus on some self care. So I’m actually doing something very exciting this week, but the ladies who follow me on Instagram will be aware of what I will be doing. So make sure you follow Anna Bey on Instagram. And yeah, if you watch my stories, you will see what I will be up to. But I have this policy that I never share in advance what I’m going to do. It’s just a thing that I have, but yeah, you can see it for yourself in a few days.

You are going to see however that I’m traveling. And let me tell you one thing is that I haven’t traveled for five months. And for some people that can sound, or I would say for most people, that probably sounds like, well, okay, that’s not a big deal. But the thing is that for me, it is actually a bit of a big deal because I am used to travel once a month for so many years now that it feels very strange not traveling for five months. And of course there were many reasons to why I haven’t been traveling. And that is primarily because I have been sick. And then we also were preparing for this launch. Now I do know that there are some people out there who are very sensitive for people who travel during the pandemic. And the thing is that I have been definitely traveling during the pandemic because I have already been sick with COVID.

So I’ve been having antibodies this entire time, and also by the way, keeping track of my antibodies because they do decrease with time, but I still have some left. So I haven’t, you know, taking advantage of that. So I haven’t hold myself back, travel wise, even though it’s a pandemic, because I felt that the antibodies they protect me and they certainly have. And I’m actually pretty flexible now in terms of the vaccination, I do get this question once in a while. How I see vaccination, if I’m going to get vaccinated. And deep down, I wouldn’t want to be vaccinated. I am the type of person, I don’t really take medication, et cetera. So I don’t really like to put foreign things in my body in that sense, but I do understand the importance of it. So I think once my turn comes, I am definitely going to consider becoming vaccinated.

And I think I, at that point probably wouldn’t mind it, even though I still have some antibodies left, but I guess, you know, for more protection, and to protect myself, to protect others as well, you know, this is important. And I think this is the only way for us to somehow get our freedom back. But while thing that I can tell you is that I don’t feel like I am in the rush to get vaccinated simply because I already have had COVID. And I think really that it’s more fair that everybody else who haven’t been sick goes before me, even if they’re, let’s say, I don’t know, younger in age or whatever. But ultimately that’s not really under my control to see when is my turn to be vaccinated or not. In the fact here in Switzerland, how it works with vaccination right now, we have about 3 million doses and we are 8 million people, meaning that they are very much speedy Gonzales right now, when it comes to vaccination, it’s going quickly here now, which is great.

I do think that they are going to be able to hit the targets by summer. Maybe end of summer, who knows? I mean, I don’t, I’m not an expert in these things, but I’m seeing loads of friends of mine now being vaccinated. And I have registered myself. So it’s up to, you know, the government to decide when it’s my turn and when they decide that, okay, it’s your turn. Then I will just go and do it. And I know that there are people who are anti-vaccination. There are people who are pro vaccination. And the thing is that this whole thing causes the strong and heated debates. And whether you are on one side or the other side, can I just ask you for a favor? Don’t get so emotional or so fired up. When you hear about people who have the opposite opinion to you.

I noticed that, especially on social media, if you express yourself about vaccination, wherever you stand, you get so much anger in return, no matter of where you stand. And I just find it so sad that why are people so sensitive if somebody thinks differently to them? Why can’t we just accept that? Okay. Some people are pro, some people are against, we don’t have to fight. Just understand that. Not everybody’s going to think exactly like you, and that’s okay. Elegance is all about accepting the fact that we can think differently, but still have other things in common, still be alike on other chapters. We don’t have to be clones of each other. Please, ladies, this is so important because I’m really noticing a climate in social media today where it’s like, one way or the other. There is no in between your favorite influencer has to think exactly like you.

And if they don’t, let’s cancel them, let’s unfollow from them. Let’s do this. Let’s do that. It’s crazy. I follow loads of people who are, I don’t believe in everything that they say. I don’t share every opinion that they say. If they express politics and I don’t have the same view, I would never messaged them something angry or unfollow or unsubscribe from them. It’s really important that we act with our emotional intelligence and really be aware that it’s okay to be different. Not only is it okay to look different, come from different backgrounds, from different cultures, from different religions, but it’s also okay to think differently. Please, can we just allow ourselves to think differently. For me, that’s the ultimate sign that somebody is elegant or not.

Okay. Ladies, having said that, I think actually that gave you a little bit of an introduction to today’s subject, which is all about elegance mistakes. And I did ask you those who follow me on Anna Bey account. I know that I should have actually asked us on AnnaBeyPodcast, which is my Podcast Instagram account. Next time I will do so. I don’t know why it happened just like that this time. But anyway, so I received loads of thoughts from you. What you think are elegance mistakes, or basically what bothers you, where you feel like somebody is not acting with good manners or is appropriate or things like that. So I’m gonna share a little bit what I think I’m going to also share a little bit what you think, because usually I talk about this on my YouTube channel and I will probably continue doing so, but I wanted to also mention a little bit in my podcast.

But one thing that I want you to also know is that elegance mistakes can be quite subjective. There is always going to be a touch of objectiveness, but of course it’s a mix. You’re not going to say that some of the things that I will say is an elegance mistake might be very subjective to me. So I want you to also practice your way of understanding and not be so offended. If let’s say, I say that something is an elegance mistake that you were doing, that you don’t have to feel offended. And today I feel so many people get offended for so many things. I think that it’s not for no reason that my most viewed video on my YouTube channel, which is called I think “10 things the elegant ladies never wear”. The reason why that video probably was so viral is because it offended so many people.

And it was never my intent to offend people. All I was doing was simply guiding the ones who want guidance, but then I got the main stream who got so upset about the things that I said, because they’re doing it. And yeah, you can understand what happens after that. The whole point that I’m trying to say is that it, there is nothing wrong with you. If you do something that I don’t agree on, you don’t have to be defensive. Don’t have to take it personally. You don’t have to feel hurt. You can do whatever you want with my opinion. You can let it fly or you can use it for guidance. That is up to you. But look at this from a constructive angle and not from a defensive angle. That’s my disclaimer of today. Let’s start talking about elegance mistakes. And actually, yeah, let’s talk about something that I have touched upon in my YouTube video, which is yoga pants, but I’m not really going to talk too much about yoga pants because you have heard me already talk about it.

But I, I personally don’t think it’s appropriate attire to wear yoga pants when you fly in an airplane. And I do have loads of ladies who agree with me, and I do have loads of ladies who disagree with me. And it’s fine. You know, we can be in two different teams on the subject. I personally don’t think actually the yoga pants are the most comfortable pants. I do think there are more stylish pants that are even more comfortable than yoga pants. I find sometimes yoga pants like the material is a little bit, I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to sit in the yoga pants for hours and hours on the flight. And also I don’t find them always so comfortable around the waists, especially the type of yoga pants that really shapes you. I would not want to sit in one of those in a flight.

So, plus I also don’t think that yoga pants are beautiful and everybody, let’s put it this way. There, they might look good on somebody with a really great figure, but let’s put it this way. That’s the minority today. Majority don’t have the perfect figure to wear yoga pants. Not saying that you cannot wear yoga pants in that sense then. You can do it then during exercise, then it’s fine. It doesn’t matter. You know, what type of body you have because you’re anyway using it as a tool for your exercise, right. But it becomes a little bit unattractive, in my opinion, when let’s say you’re not very toned, your body’s a little bit wobbly. You have loads of cellulites and by the way, everybody has cellulite. But sometimes we are in a state where we have a little bit more and I’m going to be honest with you.

I am currently not in my best shape and I have something in those lines going on right now, myself. So I wouldn’t put on some yoga pants. That sometime would be a little bit revealing of what’s actually going on there, you know. Because yoga pants are unforgiving. They do show a lot. I mean then of course depends on what color it is, what material, et cetera. Some are very, you know, camouflaging. Camouflages and tightens absolutely everything. But then there are other types such as don’t. And I don’t really see why some ladies decide to wear something like that on a flights, you know, in an airport when it’s really not flattering for their legs or for their body. I personally don’t find myself the most attractive wearing yoga pants. I think when my body is out of shape, like it is right now, I’d rather wear like a nice dress or something like that, because that is more flattering.

I hope you understand my comparison. Anyway, I’m going to move on from the yoga pants discussion, because I’m actually going to stay a little bit in the, in the pant section. And I know that many of you who follow me continuously have heard me talk about blue jeans. And the thing is that I am not anti-jeans. I want you to really understand that I myself wear jeans from time to time in certain environments, I myself can also wear blue jeans in some environment. Usually that is in a very casual environment. Let’s say I’m moving house or moving boxes or doing some work around the house or doing some errands that will make me a little bit more dirty. If that makes sense then. Yeah, I wouldn’t mind putting on a blue jean on the rare occasion. Would I wear it socially? I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I’m saying that would be very rare because one of the things that I have discovered and all the analysis that I have done on fashion and what makes somebody look elegant, what makes somebody look expensive. And unfortunately, because blue jeans, it is such a mainstream piece of clothing, meaning bed, every other Joe out there wears blue jeans for so many years that we associated with every other Joe. When we are someone who don’t want to come across as every other Joe, then I wouldn’t recommend you to wear blue jeans. Like it’s that simple. It’s not because I hate blue jeans. I can’t stand people wear it. If somebody wears it, I will look down on them or anything like that. And that I myself would never ever wear it. No. The reason why I have to clarify this is because I’m really seeing this, sometimes that people who follow my content, they don’t seem to really pay attention to what I say and jump to conclusions. And this is quite frustrating for me because, you know, I really need to give you these big explanations, unfortunately, because so many people seem to me to confuse what it is that I say, and that ends up me teaching them wrongly.

So, sorry, ladies, if this bothers you, but unfortunately this is the way forward these days, you know, people unfortunately misunderstand so easy. But that’s kind of my take on blue jeans. I do like white jeans, especially for every day. That’s one of my staple pieces for when I’m just casual around the house, or if I’m just like casual, you know, doing some casual errands. But also actually if I’m having a casual evening out, I can put on my nicer white jeans. Cause I have like them in different categories. Like I have the nice ones, you know, the crisp ones, the ones with less detailing, let’s say, or that looks less like jeans, something like that. But you still have the fabric in denim. And then I have my kind of less nice white jeans, which are more, maybe a little bit like one size bigger, maybe have some detailing that really show that there are jeanes. So anyway, lately I have been having one thing on my mind that really bothers me. I’m going to tell you, this really does bother me not to the point that I would look down on somebody because this is something I really watched to know that when I say that something is a mistake or you’re doing something wrong. If I see somebody in real life doing it, I never looked down on that person. And that would never show the person or tell somebody off that that’s wrong or anything like that. Never, ever, ever. I don’t, I don’t operate like that. And I don’t think it’s very elegant to tell people off or to be judging people. If, if that doesn’t fit your cup of tea, you know what I mean? I am a O K seeing people fly in yoga pants, seeing people wear the thing that I’m going to tell you now in the second, but deep down inside me, I wish it wasn’t like that.

That’s what I mean when I say that, it bothers me. Okay. So, okay. Let me just say how it is the current trend that we have right now, especially with younger people. And I do come across as an old grandma. I know as I’m saying this, but the fact that we have such a dressed down trend right now, where sweat pants is the norm to walk outside your door with, to go to restaurants with that. Sneakers is the only thing that we wear, heels are so out of fashion now, like why would you wear heels? You look out of place. If you wear heels, et cetera, et cetera. We also, by the way, have the famous kind of nineties grunge trend happening all over again. Which, you know, there was many people who didn’t like it in the nineties. So why would some people like it in, you know, 2021, but you know, this happens, there are sometimes trends like that.

And I think we have been having weird trends going on now for many years, especially for fashionistas, especially for younger people. And you know, I have a very classic fashion approach. You might think that it’s too much grandma. Other people might love it. You know, people are going to have different opinions about it and that’s fine. But I do find it a little bit unpleasant when I see people wear sweatpants in the restaurant, I feel like that is really pushing it because we really are not making an effort anymore. Or even if it’s, you know, for them making an effort because it’s like trendy, it doesn’t come across as you made an effort to bother dressing appropriately for the occasion. But then maybe the question might arise, but who cares what you wear to a restaurant? Let everybody wear whatever they want.

I think the same way. Etiquette is important when you are dining, you know, you don’t want to be disgusted by other people with their poor table manners when they do weird things at the table, you know, sometimes people can brush their hair at the table. That’s not very hygienic or nice. Sometimes people can chew with an open mouth. That’s definitely off putting if you’re eating. So the same way that can be disturbing in the setting, when you are taking in food and beverage, it can be off putting seeing what someone wears. You see what I mean? Let’s say somebody is wearing a cleavage, like really deep, where you really see the whole chest on display and everything kind of hanging there. Maybe it doesn’t look very flattering, but you have to sit there and stare into it as you are eating, or somebody comes and they have this whole nineties grunge trend going on for themselves where it really does look like they haven’t washed her hair.

And maybe they haven’t in a while. Maybe they haven’t even brushed her hair. They’re wearing their sweat pants. They’re wearing their crop top. And you just feel like you seeing too much of the things that is a little bit off putting. So you want to see somebody who have made an effort with their hygiene. You want to see somebody who looks clean, cut, and organized in that sense. Because it’s going to be more pleasurable for your eye, meaning that it’s going to be fine for you to sit and look at that as you dine. So this is just to give you an example of why these things matter. Plus, I also do feel that depending on the occasion, let’s say you’re going out for dinner. And sometimes people are there to celebrate things or to have a special moment. And it kind of ruins the moment when you see people around you who simply don’t care, simply dress down, make the whole ambience downgrade in a way it’s a matter of respecting the energy, the ambiance, the environment.

And that’s why it’s so important to dress appropriately for where you go. It’s not for me to sit here and be like a clothing fascist. You know, I’m not trying to be like that. That’s not the intention. It’s really about what happens subconsciously. Why does it bother us so much in the settings when we are eating in particularly, or when we are in the setting that it maybe, it’s a special occasion. Maybe it’s a special moment. You know what I mean? So I do think as a person it’s important to respect these things. And that’s why manners, etiquette is so important, especially in such settings and why also you should respect a dress code. But indeed the trend of wearing sweatpants as in restaurants, even let me tell you in affluent places, I see this loads. I see it also from certain cultures.

I also see it from certain sexes. And let me tell you one thing, I certainly see it sometimes more in men, believe it or not. Obviously I refer probably now to maybe men in their twenties, thirties so far, I haven’t seen many 40 plus, but it also does happen. From time to time. I’ve also seen women, women who are a little bit more edgy in the way, maybe the sweatpants fill some form of, I don’t know, edginess to their look or some fashionable thing to their look. But when I say sweat pants, I in particularly mean like, I mean, actually I meet all kinds of sweatpants at this point, but once sweatpants that bother me extra much is the kind of, you know, thicker, gray, sweat pants. That, what, what does it call jogging pants? No, because you don’t really jog in it, but you know, a lot of people wear it at home casually. It’s like the gray one, I think, you know which one, which one? I mean the one that kind of is what we think of when we think of sweatpant. So for me, when I see it in places where I really don’t think that sweatpant belong there. And actually I think the only place maybe it would belong is nowhere because I don’t even think it’s nice enough to wear at home.

I wouldn’t wear it at home. Or you think it’s really, I don’t think it’s attractive neither for men, neither for women. Anyway, but that’s my opinion. You might have a different opinion than maybe you love the sweat pants you wear at home. That’s that’s fine. But yeah, that’s something that has been lately on my mind, how I definitely think that this current dress down fashion trend is, has really gone too far. And to the point where I think like it’s disrespecting the environment and other people to tell you the truth. So I hope that this will change in the future. Fingers crossed ladies. I know that you who are here with me, you are not perhaps into those type of trends, even though maybe some of you are, but yeah,

Anyway, let’s continue with the some of the things that you have mentioned to me in on Instagram. So somebody says: Elegance mistake – refuse to acknowledge low wage workers or servers or worse boss them around. And I think that for anyone who has: one empathy, two some form of common sense, and three comes from a kind place, would never do that. I do know that maybe in some cultures, people might still be doing that. And I actually say that because once I was dating somebody from a different culture where I do know that they do a little bit more of that. And that person was horrible to service stuff and mean, every time that person was so horrible around the service staff, you know, shouting at them, you know, never saying, thank you or please. And just having this really bad attitude, it didn’t take me long until I realized that, okay, I cannot have this person in my life at all.

This is not my type. I cannot be dating such a person. So yeah, let’s put it this way. We didn’t date for very long. So that chapter ended quite fast, but this is the thing that this is such a big no-no and I really hope none of you do this. It’s such a basic thing that in the way, do we really need to talk about it? But unfortunately it still happens. And please, I hope, I hope that none of you do it. Always show people who are in a service job respect, you don’t have to go overboard and be almost, you know, too pleasing in the way where it’s almost like you’re apologizing for them to have to do the job. If that makes sense. That you’re too much. Oh yes, yes. Of course. Of course. Yes. You know, almost making that person feel awkward.

And when you are going to the opposite extreme, you actually make that person feel bad because they are understanding why you’re being so apologetic and so kind of too much around them. So don’t do that, like be polite, say thank you, be kind, talk to them with a smile. Look at them in the eye, engage with them. Maybe be even a little bit curious in them, ask them questions. What’s their name and call them by their name as well. You know, things like that. And ladies, this is basics. You do need to treat service staff the same way you would treat a Royal family as an example, they are not worthy less because they do a service job. And I also say, I used to just serve as jobs myself. So I will forever hold big respect to anyone who does that type of job, because I understand how much hard work it is since I have been doing it myself. So you should never ever look down on such things. Okay? So the next elegance mistake, Atrocious table manners, I saw in as a woman blew her nose and actually pick it.

You know, of course, nobody would pick their nose at the table. You would definitely only do it in private, inside a bathroom or something like that. But as well, I think blowing your nose. One thing is it doesn’t matter. Let’s say if you’re have allergies or if you’re sick, but if you’re sick, I guess you wouldn’t maybe go and meet people or be in public situations. But sometimes, you know, people still do it. I have myself the runny nose syndrome. I don’t know if that’s an actual name, but it does happen that I get a runny nose very easily. Especially if I eat hot food or there’s something in the climate et cetera. But it’s very important not to blow your nose at the table. If you feel like, okay, it’s an urgency now, then go to the bathroom and blow it inside there.

I would say the only time that you can, maybe remain at the table, let’s say you feel that, okay, my nose is becoming a bit runnier. You can discreetly just dab it with a little tissue until you have a moment to excuse yourself and go to the bathroom to properly blow it. But I wouldn’t below it at the table. That’s a big no-no.

Next one, use many filler words such as like. So this one, I want to give a little bit of compassion and understanding to when people use like a lot. And I mean myself, I can use like sometimes as well in conversation, especially if it’s going to be more casual. But I do understand what this person is meaning when somebody just over does it, when it becomes too much. And I think that can be for many reasons sometimes. Well, oftentimes actually it is because we are so used that the people around us speak in a certain way that we adopt the same way of speaking.

So if you’re somebody who knows that you need to improve your vocabulary in the way you speak, maybe reduce the time you spend with certain people, because it’s definitely not going to help you. We automatically start copying people like people’s movements, people’s behavior, et cetera. When, because we are pack animals, right? This is something we do without even thinking about it. So it’s really important that if you want to refine yourself that you actually do seek out people who don’t have too many bad habits, because it’s easy that you might end up doing. You might end up doing these bad habits too, but at the same time, I don’t want you to think that, okay, now I can not spend any time with those type of friends because they have all those bad habits. No ladies, of course you can still be friends with them.

But what you need to work with is kind of your awareness to make sure that you don’t pick up on some of those things and that you really stay aware that you speak correctly. And one of the things that help me reduce the way or the amount I say “like” is actually by recording myself on video and watch myself video. That really helps because you will end up working loads with your awareness then. And as you watch yourself many times on camera or on video, you will eventually register somehow in your mind that you need to really pay attention to this because you’re doing this a lot, right?

So the next one is, and this one, I must say, I have been guilty of doing myself in the past. I hope I’m still not doing it, but I don’t think so because I have really improved in this department, but that is loud out of place conversations. So I do remember in my early twenties, when I literally had no clue in the elegance department and when I thought certain things were appropriate when in reality they weren’t. And that was like, let’s say you are on the, I don’t know, in the bus or on a train, you’re using public transportation. And you are on the phone with your friend talking about what happened last night. And sometimes, you know what happened last night, there is too much information of what happened last night to your girlfriend in private. You can definitely share everything, right? But sometimes we forget that in a public setting, there are actually people who are listening to what we’re saying, or even if they don’t want to listen, they hear you because you are loud or because you are in a public setting.

So you really need to be careful of what you say in public. I always look around and make sure that there is nobody around me. If I have to say something of a sensitive nature, and I really want you to pay attention to this plus also be cautious about how loud you speak. I, myself naturally I speak quite loud, but I also kind of need so for my job, because if I spoke so quiet that I don’t know if you would really, you know, be engaged with what it is that I have to say, you know. Okay, that was a little joke, but I need to speak with a lot of fours. But when I am in my personal life, when I’m not recording or being on camera, et cetera, I need to really pay attention and reduce the volume. And sometimes it’s actually hard because I’m so used to certain type of behavior.

But again, this is where your awareness has to step in, do ask your friends, by the way about this, ask them for feedback. If you speak too loud or not, my husband is great at this. He gives me the feedback immediately. No shame in the game whatsoever. Okay. Up next, making fun of spiritual people and spiritual leaders like Satguru. So I don’t really know much about Satguru. However, I want to definitely talk about people who are into spirituality. You know that I have some spiritual beliefs. I’m very much into astrology, et cetera. And let’s say for you, it’s one big of who-who-ha-ha, okay. Definitely not your cup of tea, but here we go again. Why would we judge somebody? Because they have a different, I don’t know, way of living or different opinion or a different belief. I would never make fun of.

Let’s say somebody’s religion. Somebody’s spiritual beliefs. Even if they don’t believe in it, I would never attack them for that because why it’s normal that we think differently. See how many religions and beliefs there are out there. See how many people are out there. See how many cultures are out there. We’re not all gonna think alike. And that’s okay. Let’s coexist. Even if we have different beliefs, if someone is spiritual, if someone is not it’s okay. Right. So yeah, it’s definitely off putting when people are making fun. And as I am somebody with a little bit more kind of interest in new age and things that are more supernatural, and maybe something like astrology, I have the rights to have those beliefs. It doesn’t qualify me to be this or that. It doesn’t put any labels of me. It doesn’t mean I’m crazy. It doesn’t mean that I’m attracting the devil.

You know, that’s what some people tell me and just understand that we have different beliefs and having different beliefs. It’s not going to harm you. It’s not going to harm her or him. So just take a step back. If you feel like criticizing just don’t and no, it’s not going to make you look funny if you make fun of somebody with certain beliefs. It’s just gonna make you look like you are not educated enough or humble enough, or know what’s appropriate to say or not. Okay, next somebody’s talking about brag about their money intentionally. Yes. I mean, I’ve spoken about this in the past. There will be insecure people who really need to prove their own financial situation or their material situation and, you know, just brush it off. Don’t become too upset about it. These are people who are generally insecure and have compassion towards them and understanding that there are many insecure people around the world,.but yes, maybe it’s not pleasure to the ears listening to somebody’s bragging, you know, but try to switch off in that sense.

Okay. Here we have an interesting one that is definitely up for discussion people going to the washroom in the middle of a meal. So the only time I would say you can go to the washroom in the middle of a meal is if there is an emergency, meaning that who knows, maybe there’s something wrong with your stomach, or maybe you need to have a sneeze attack of some sort, and you don’t want to do it around the table or cough attack or whatever, who knows, but there is a big urgency and a crisis of some sort. Yes, then it’s okay. Of course you have to excuse yourself, even if you are in the middle of a meal. But I guess what this person is referring to is when you just like going to the bathroom, just because you kind of feel like, okay, maybe I can do it right now, or you want to take a call or whatever it is that you go into the bathroom for. It’s not appropriate to do it in the middle of a meal. The only time it’s appropriate is to do it either before the dessert comes or preferably after the meal has ended altogether, don’t go to the washroom in the middle of a meal, don’t go to the washroom before your main course, try to hold yourself the best you can. That’s usually what people do.

The next one is being on your phone at the dinner table. And for sure this isn’t the first time you probably hear about it. But I do think that it depends also on the circumstance. So let’s say you are in a circumstance that is very casual or you are with people that you know very well, then it can be fine to be a little bit on your phone from time to time, because let’s say everybody around the table does it and they don’t mind. So that might be fine. So you see all depends on the circumstance. However, there are circumstances when it’s really not appropriate to even have your phone accessible with you. So pay attention to that. Try to think for yourself. Is it appropriate right now? Is it not? If you aren’t sure then don’t use your phone. Okay. Don’t even pull it out, put it on silent as well, or even switch it off. If it vibrates and that disturbs at the conversation. I have faith in you, ladies, that you are able to assess the situation and trust your instinct.

Okay. I saw something that I find it a little bit funny. I’m actually a little bit unusual. I’ve never heard this elegance mistake before. And by the way, I don’t agree with this one. Wearing no jewelry at all. That is an elegance mistake. So I think that one has to be really, you know, considerate the fact that we live in the world, where people come from different cultures, there are cultures where accessorizing is very important. Wearing loads of jewelry is important, especially wearing some jewelry to show, let’s say, that you are from a certain status or something like that. Or, or maybe there are other reasons to why you should wear jewelry. But then there are the cultures where nobody’s really wearing jewelry and it kind of looks tacky when you wear a lot of jewelry and inappropriate as well. And me, myself, I come from a very minimalistic culture, I think to the point that I have never really developed a big interest for jewelry as a result because in Sweden, nobody really wears jewelry.

Nobody really talks about it. Nobody really cares about it. No matter what social class you belong to, especially also Sweden is a very socialistic country. So everybody kind of thinks the same in that regard. So I think I inherited that from the culture that I was brought up in. So I don’t have the need to wear jewelry. In fact, I kind of find it sometimes a little bit in the way. My husband had to really convince me to at least wear his love bracelet that he gifted me. And it took me some time to even get used to wearing that because I usually like to have my wrists free, my nails, not to wear ring, not to have earrings, et cetera, or even necklace. I think the thing that I find most difficult to wear these days is necklace. That’s just something that, oh, so difficult for me.

But anyway, I mean, there are loads of reasons and maybe I will tell you more about it in another episode, but just to go back to, to this is that I don’t think that’s necessarily an elegant mistake. And what is actually elegance is to take into account that people and cultures are going to be different. So just a little FYI, but I respect that you might have this opinion and it’s absolutely fine. Okay. This one is a good one. Have lint or hair all over their clothes. Yes. This is definitely an elegance mistake. And this is definitely something that will cheap in your appearance for the reason, because you just look a bit scruffy. You look a little bit dirty when you have, let’s say your cat’s hair on your coat, you know, or some other things like lint. I myself, am very picky with these things.

I always use a tape roller before I leave the house on my clothes. And I really try and inspect it. However, on the rare occasion, it can happen that let’s say you are in a rush, you rush out and you forget to do the tape roller thing before you leave the house, which is part of my routine always. But sometimes it happens that you forget, and it has happened for me that I have stepped outside. And then, you know, let’s say I’m on the way to something. And I realize, oh no, I haven’t cleaned up my clothes or my jacket properly before I left house. Now it’s too late. So I have to kind of have a little bit, little bit of lint left on my clothes and listen, this happens. And this is what I mean when I say that. We practice elegance the best we can, but we are not here to become, you know, perfectionistic to the point that such a thing, you know, rushing out of the house, forgetting to do something that you usually do is going to ruin your whole day.

Or you have to go home now and do that thing. I don’t know. It’s okay. Not to be perfect, but what’s important I think is try to do your best. That’s all. So I, with this elegance mistake, but I also do have understanding when I see other people out there who are not picture-perfect or maybe who have something on their clothes or something like that. I always cut them some slack and think to myself that, okay, maybe they weren’t aware, maybe they don’t have the education, or maybe they just simply forgot about it this time.

Next one is definitely something that I’ve said so many times, but she’s writing equating elegance to wealth. And that’s the thing, ladies, that many elegance mistakes that I share with you and talk to you about and educate you on wealth. The people are doing them all the time, but I’m not saying all wealthy people. I refer to some wealthy people because that’s the reality. You are going to have loads of wealthy people who are, let’s say, wear yoga pants in the flights, or don’t know how to eat properly at the dining at the dinner table, things like that. You see loads of that ladies. So please don’t think that, okay. Well, I actually saw my really affluent neighbor do this yesterday, but Anna said that you shouldn’t be doing that. I’m confused. And I also do get this question sometimes with people’s confusion.

And let me just tell you that I teach elegance. I also do reports loads on kind of what the affluent community do and don’t, but primarily I teach about elegance. So not everybody in the affluent community is going to be elegant. Elegance is a lifestyle choice. It’s also a mindset, also a personal brand and not everybody chooses to have an elegant personal brand. And that’s okay. Plus not every elegant person that is affluent. You have also many non affluent ladies and gentlemen who are very elegant, and that’s absolutely fine. So just a little FYI, I’m actually happy that this lady pointed it out because I certainly agree. Now there is, there is somebody who says: “Elegance mistake – animal print”, and I’m actually going to disagree again here because I don’t think that necessarily animal print is tacky. I think that depending on how the animal print looks like there is some tacky looking animal print and there is some more luxurious looking animal print.

So obviously the luxurious animal print is something I could see myself wearing. I think it’s nice to wear animal prints sometimes. But of course, they’re going to be people who can’t stand animal prints and that’s just a preference. Some people like it, some don’t and it’s okay to think differently. Again, I personally don’t think that there is a general rule that animal prints are inappropriate or that they’re not elegant. I do think that there are more flamboyant that’s for sure. And you know, that you can be an elegant flamboyant lady, so they will more fall under that bracket in terms of like style personality. But depending how you style animal prints, depending how you wear them, depending how much of it there is, and in what environment, in what setting, and of course, depending on the print itself, you can definitely look elegant. You can definitely look fashionable, you can definitely look good.

So I don’t think that this is a written strict rule. It really depends when it comes to animal prints. Now, ladies, we have reached a final elegance mistake for today. And actually I have already mentioned this, but this was probably the most popular thing that people refer to that bothers them the most. I really think that this one the kind of little Q&A that I did with you this week, because most people say chewing with the mouth open or eating with sounds is their biggest kind of elegance mistake, annoyance. And yeah, even though I already mentioned it, spoke about it, but I think that many people who do it, they do it because they don’t really understand that they’re doing it. And if you are unaware, if you are one of those, then you know what I recommend that you do. Have your lunch or your dinner or your breakfast and videotape yourself and try to relax, you know, try to just eat however you eat.

But the problem is, I know what’s going to happen because you know why you’re doing this. You’re gonna for sure keep your mouth closed. But anyway, maybe you can ask a friend of yours to videotape you when you’re not paying attention, when you don’t know when this is happening. So that you can just like, you know, you’re just curious to see how your table manners are. You don’t have to like explain the whole thing that you want to see if you chew with an open mouth or not. But this is definitely going to give you a little bit of insight how you behave. So, that’s a really good exercise that I recommend you do.

Now, ladies, that was it for this week. Next week, I will be back with a new episode, but on Sunday I have a really exciting use of video coming out that I really want you all to tune into. I publish my YouTube videos at 5:15 pm Geneva time, which is the same time zone as Paris or Zurich or Stockholm. And yeah, Sunday at 5:15 o’clock come and join me because I’m really doing a fun YouTube video that you’re going to learn loads from. And I don’t want you to miss it. So yeah, tune in on Sunday. But otherwise, ladies, I’m going to talk to you next week. So have a nice week. Bye for now.

Anna Bey is hosting a FREE Workshop! 

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