7 things I wish I knew in my 20’s

Podcast Episode 8

New week, new episode of the Anna Bey podcast. Ladies, I am back. And in this episode, I really want to talk to you about those seven things I wish I knew in my 20s. And let me tell you one thing, that the list doesn’t actually stop at seven things, there are way more than seven things that I wish I knew in my 20s, however I want to also keep this episode somehow short and digestible, so we are going to focus on some of those things. And one thing that I need to tell you is that actually the title is a little bit misleading because it’s not necessarily about what you should know in your 20s, you should actually know this at any age.

And some people go through things later in life, so some of these points will actually be applicable to, let’s say, if you’re in your thirties or in your forties, or who knows, even fifties. The point is not about, at what age should you know what, but it’s about coming to some conclusions in life and learn certain things that will obviously help you, help your journey, help you become a better person.

The reason why I wish I would’ve known that these seven things in my twenties is really because I definitely think that I would’ve had perhaps some of the successes that I achieved earlier in life, but I also think that for optimal wellbeing and just being in a good place in life, it definitely would’ve been better to have known these things earlier. But we live and learn and we learn from our mistakes, and I think it’s always for a reason why we perhaps didn’t know these things back then.

So I don’t believe that we should be sitting here and regretting things and looking back in time and be like, ugh; not at all. As the cliche goes, we don’t regret anything in life, because everything made who we are today, right? No, but I think really that is true, even as it sounds like the biggest cliche ever, what we have achieved today and who we are today is of course because of all these things that we didn’t do, right, back in time. And because of certain things that happen and because of the… I don’t know, whatever held us back, back then has contributed to who we are today and what we have achieved today.

And this actually goes, if you feel like you haven’t achieved anything today, and the fact that you feel maybe you’re not in the place where you want to be today, that has also to do with your past. It has to do with the choices you made, with maybe some patterns you did in your life, some behavioral patterns as an example. So it’s always important to really reflect on your choices. And if you are stuck in patterns, if you have, I don’t know, things that are holding you back, because this is the thing, right? The reason why I’m so passionate about this whole transformation, and I mean the transformation that I teach in the School Of Affluence is a big one.

It’s a personal development journey. It’s an elegance and femininity journey. It’s a lifestyle journey. It’s truly a journey that taps into so many areas. So the reason why I am so passionate about all of these areas is because it all contributes to our self-growth. And when we grow, we feel like we are in control of our lives, that if let’s say I’m unhappy with how my life is today, I’m unhappy the way I feel with myself or with my surroundings, I know that with self-growth, I can change it, and it’s all in my hands. It’s all in my own power to make that change. And that’s why I think this community that I’m in and this whole niche that I’m in about personal upgrade, personal transformation, upgrade your life, upgrade yourself in all of those things, it feels like we step into our power to actually take control of our life and really create the life that we want to live and become the woman that we want to become.

And doesn’t that feel good ladies? When you feel like you are on top of your world, because you know that when you step into that power, anything can happen and you can actually create whatever life for yourself that you can create. So in today’s episode, we are going to actually talk about some of those points that I have definitely learned throughout this journey, but also that I wish I would have known earlier.

Okay, ladies, so let’s start with point number one. It’s okay to be disliked. It’s okay not to be loved by everybody. It’s okay that there will be people who will think that you are not their cup of tea. So this is definitely a very hard thing to accept for any human being out there, because I feel like I’ve spoken so much about this whole thing that, psychologically, our survival instinct in order not to be rejected from a herd, is that we want to be accepted. We want to be liked. We want to be part of the gang and all of those things. So we have this natural instinct as animals, as human beings to want to belong and not to be disliked. However, life does not work like this, and especially not in the human world where people are opinionated, people are different, people are more individuals and have personalities, and that will definitely clash.

So we will not be liked by everybody, and that’s impossible. And think about how many variations of human beings there are in the world. So for every human being to actually think that you are great, it just doesn’t make sense logically speaking. When we are in our twenties as well, we are definitely more insecure than we are in our thirties, forties, fifties, et cetera. The older we get, the more secure in ourselves we become. That’s the natural progression in life. So in our twenties, it’s extra hard to digest when somebody does not like you or somebody rejects you. And the thing is that in our twenties, we end up losing sleep over it, because it’s just so hard for us to understand, why is it like this? Why didn’t that person like me? Why did she say this about me? Why doesn’t she want to spend time with me, or he doesn’t want to spend time with me?

All of these things that we will experience, I do think that everybody goes through this on a somehow regular basis. I’m not saying every day. Some people do, but generally speaking I do think that it’s a common, common thing in this world. So when you are being rejected, let’s say if it’s by a person or by a group, or who knows how you are being rejected, I think it’s really important to, first of all, look at this objectively. And this is exactly what I’m doing here, right now with you, is to understand and put some context around it that everybody in this world is going to be disliked. Okay? It’s logically impossible to be liked by everybody. It just does not exist. Nobody is liked by everybody.

Not even Jesus or Mother Theresa, or who else do we have, the Prophet Muhammad or Dalai Lama or Buddha, you know what I mean. Just understand that they will be people who don’t like you and that’s okay. And I think that’s where I’m trying to get to, is that the most liberating feeling in the world is when you have come to terms that there will be people who don’t like you, okay? Let’s just repeat that again. When you feel like, okay, you know what, I really don’t mind if they don’t like me, if she doesn’t like me, if he doesn’t like me, it’s absolutely okay. I really don’t mind. It’s fine. And when you really feel that to your core, because it’s one thing is to actually just think it and pretend and just tell yourself that, but the whole point here is that you really have to feel it in your core; really feel that, okay, you what, I’m absolutely fine by this.

It’s okay that they don’t like me. That’s when you set yourself free. Okay? And when you set yourself free, that’s when you don’t lose any sleep on it, that’s when you don’t really care, and that’s actually when you are able to focus your energy on what really matters in life, because I believe that in our twenties, I’m sure we had a lot of times where we have been obsessing in our heads of why did they reject me, or why did she not like me, or something like that. So think about working on getting comfortable with being disliked. It’s okay to be disliked. We all are disliked. Just join the gang of enjoying the ride of being disliked, and you will be amazed how that will set you free.

Number two, man who ghost, adios amigo. Ladies, it’s time for us to really, really toughen up in this department and especially around men. And in my more feministic content, you have heard me say so many times how women have become more desperate in today’s climate, and this is not at all by shaming women, when I say that, I really mean that we are quite forgiving. And I think that when we work on our skills for setting boundaries, we really need to stop being so forgiving at times and really toughen up; without becoming so tough that you don’t let anybody into your life. Don’t do that mistake, okay? We don’t want to start making other mistakes when we correct one mistake. No. I’m talking about, we have to stop creating excuses for certain behavior, and we are really into the whole boundary area right now, which is actually one of my favorite subjects.

And it goes a little bit of hand-in-hand with point number one, because what happens is that, of course, when a person goes to you, it freaks you out, right? Because of the same principle as in point number one, we hate feeling rejected. We don’t want to feel that. So it’s very easy for a person to start, as an example, coming up with excuses to excuse that behavior to give reasons to why the person ghosted, and this happens because you actually feel better about the rejection because you excuse it in your head. And this way it doesn’t feel like a rejection anymore. And this is a bit dangerous because it’s really like a coping mechanism in a way, but it’s a bad coping mechanism because it just shoots you in the foot. And when we’re talking about men and dating in particular, or if you are in a relationship, when you are accepting certain behavior that isn’t acceptable, you are training him for this behavior, because what basically you do is that you tell him that it’s okay to treat me this way when in reality it’s not okay, and it shouldn’t be okay.

So you really need to put your foot down and not be afraid of putting your foot down. And also another reason to why I see women do love creating excuses for, let’s talk about men specifically now, is because some women are feeling maybe afraid of being alone or feel like they’re not going to meet anybody if they are being tough, et cetera. But this is the thing, like I always say in everything, in every content that I put out, is that it’s all about a balance. You cannot obviously go to an extreme, and we are certainly not planning on going in extremes here. We are here looking for the perfect, perfect medium, right?

When we are setting strong boundaries, communicating a message, but people are still able to get into our lives, so that it’s not just a one big wall up there. There was a message that I actually received that inspired me a little bit because… Okay, I need to read it. Hey, Anna, I had a date with a really nice man. The date went perfect and he seems to find me attractive and a good match. After our first date, we had contact and we wrote to each other many messages. Suddenly he stopped contacting me. I didn’t want to run after him, so I let him. What I understand, she allowed him to stop contacting. After a week, I wrote to him asking how he is and how his weekend went. He answered the question, but didn’t continue the conversation. Now another week is over.

Should I ask him if he wants to visit an exhibition with me? Would that sound needy? Now, the reason why I think that this message definitely hits me on some level is because I definitely remember this from my twenties, More in my early twenties, I’ve definitely done this mistake as well, and I remember that at some point later in my twenties, I had a massive aha moment and I felt like I almost woke up from this coma of understanding boundaries and just putting my foot down, and be saying to myself, what is this? What am I doing? This is not okay at all. I’ve definitely had men also ghost me and my past. And I think, again, majority of women have, and it’s normal. And when men ghost you, I just want to really say that it’s not necessarily because something is wrong with you, and I think that most of the time that’s what we feel.

We always think it’s our own fault, right? We always take it personal. I believe that men ghost for multiple reasons, but I do believe that the number one reason is actually not what the cliche says, that you’re not right for him or something like that. I believe that men usually ghost because of personal reasons that have to do with themselves. Don’t forget that, generally speaking, men are not as emotional, as analytical in the emotion department as we are. As an example, women would probably work more on their personal development and emotional self-growth than men. Men, generally speaking, don’t do that. So I would say that they’re oftentimes a little bit underdeveloped when it comes to, let’s say, having certain issues.

And I’m not belittling them or anything like that when I say this, I just mean that generally speaking women are more emotionally mature than men. So if let’s say a person, regardless of the sex, is having certain issues. I think that a woman would overcome these issues faster than men. I feel like oftentimes [inaudible 00:15:20] men are just simply stuck somehow, and don’t necessarily seek out, let’s say, therapy as much and things like that. So the reason why men ghost often has honestly more to do with themselves. Maybe it’s fear of commitments, maybe it’s some other issues, maybe… There’s always some issues. And to tell you the truth, like from all my years of analyzing this in particular, I just really saw this as a very common, common trend. But obviously sometimes he might just not be into you. Remember the movie and the famous quote by Miranda in Sex and the City; he’s just not that into you.

And it’s true. If a man goes, he’s just not that into you. But you know what I really want to also say with that, one thing that we really need to be careful with this whole thing of analyzing, is he into me? Is he not into me, et cetera? This is not really how the goal is to think as a high value woman. High caliber women, they are not all the time thinking, did he choose me? Did he not choose me? Am I chosen? Does he want to be with me? Does he not want to be with you? No, no, no, no, no. This is the thing. When you do a mind makeover and you really transform yourself to become a high level woman, you are not obsessing about men like this anymore. You have broken that pattern.

You will have stopped doing that because that is not productive at all. It can be maybe to some degree, but what is more productive, is to actually be in your own power and be the one who chooses the man, and really, really groom yourself to think this way. It’s not about becoming cold and unaccessible and just like nobody can get under your skin, again, we don’t want to go into extremes. What we want to do is to not all the time put us in that position and position ourselves as, am I chosen or not? If we’re going to think like this, then we give away our power to men immediately and they sense this. So again, it will be like, you are chasing him rather than he is chasing you. And regardless of what people say, that we live in a modern society, so we need to change the rules of who chases who, et cetera, I really do believe that we have an instinct where men really, really should chasing.

It’s a matter of the wellbeing of the potential partnership. I do believe that men actually enjoy this. I really, really do believe that. And that really makes them feel good about themselves, especially if they manage to conquer the woman, and I do believe that they will value the woman more and the relationship more if they have conquered the relationship. So I know it’s such a cliche, of the playing hard to get, of having him chase you, but this is not just some old school talking here. This has been programmed in us for so many, many, many years. And I’m not talking about society programming, I’m really talking about biological programming. So let’s just go back to basics ladies and how you can become this high caliber woman is, of course, to work on yourself in all these type of areas, but it’s actually really about becoming aware of this pattern and breaking this pattern.

So as soon as we become aware of it, we actually start correcting it immediately. So it’s really important to work with your awareness. But think about this ladies, I just want to plant the seed in you. Do not obsess if you are chosen or not, you choose. And if you cannot step into that element, then you have to think about what is it that really drives you to, I don’t want to say the word desperate, but what is it that triggers that desperation in you. And if it’s because you stress so much about when Mr. Right will come, then make sure you listen to the last point in this list, because I do have another tip for you there. And one more thing ladies, before I move on to the next point.

So when a man is ghosting you, I really need you to understand that a man on this level, when he’s clearly undecisive about you, you have to really, really set a boundary there, and communicate for both him and for yourself that a man like this is not even a candidate for you. And think about this, you are the prize, right? So let’s call it a competition. And in a competition, you have candidates. Is a man like this even a candidate for the prize? No. I don’t think so. He really needs to work for it, if he wants to even qualify to become a candidate, which means qualify to even get your attention. So ladies, I really want you to think about how you spend your thoughts, time and energy on men. Don’t be just so careless. Don’t just give it away randomly for free to everybody.

They really need to deserve it. And you know why? Because your power, the power in you, is worth billions, okay? It’s worth more than gold. It’s worth much. You can’t just carelessly give it away for free left, right and center to any average Joe out there. You really need to preserve your power. And that’s why I say, it’s not about, will he choose me or not? It’s about, did he qualify to even be a candidate? And if yes, he has to work to win the prize. You are the judge in this competition, you decide who wins the prize, and you have all these candidates that want to enter the competition and they want to win. And that’s what dating should be about, but it can only be about this if you set these rules ladies, okay? Okay. Good.

Now point number three and let’s visit my favorite subject, therapy. I don’t care if some of you are sick and tired of hearing me talk about this, but you know what, I don’t care, because this is my biggest regret in my life, and I had to put it on this list. Why? Why didn’t I start earlier with therapy? Why did I start when I was, I think I was 29 or something like that? I wish I would have started when I was in my early twenties. Imagine how my life would have been if I had just sorted out X, Y, Z type of insecurities and, I don’t know, figure out that and worked on that, and just like… And imagine if I just had all those things already with me in my twenties or in my early twenties. Wow. Life would have been amazing, but I also think that that’s probably not the purpose of our twenties for everything to be picture perfect and amazing and everything figured out, right?

I think the probably the purpose is for us to be a little bit lost and have to figure things out as we go by, etc. So, anyway, I am not going to regret, but if I ever have to regret anything, is definitely, I wish I would’ve started earlier with therapy. If you are one of my loyal followers or listeners or subscribers, then you will know that I use therapy primarily as a tool for personal growth, but I also use it as my support tool as well. So whenever something happens in your life, immediately I just go to her and get a full understanding and can just easily move on or cope with things or understand things, and it just doesn’t take over my life so much. And that’s the thing that in my twenties… Let’s say there was an issue, let’s say something happened or whatever.

It would be so hard sometimes to move on, or let’s say, if there were some reoccurring negative patterns in my life or in my behavior or in the way I feel about things let’s say, then that would just keep happening over and over and over again. But I feel that when I started therapy, it’s like I broke a spell. Not immediately. Took me some time and a lot of hard work, but it did happen after a while. But now I use therapy as growing as a human being and making sure my psyche is always strong and balanced. And it really helps me. It’s like, again, going to the gym, pumping your muscles or doing cardio because you know you need it for your health, wellbeing and to keep the muscles strong. Same thing goes for therapy. You really need it, you need the mental gym.

So make sure you go there and… So you stay balanced and you keep on growing those muscles and so on. So, but ladies, I know that therapy might not be for everybody. So that’s just my little disclaimer that even though I feel like it has worked amazingly for me and my life and it’s still working great for me, it might not work for you. So the most important that is if you would try therapy, don’t go in with these expectations because I have been sitting here and raving about it. And then you wonder, why is it not working for you? That would be the worst thing, to be honest.

So if you want to try this, please go in with zero expectations. And also all the time, think about the fact that, if you start comparing your therapy journey, remember that my first year in therapy or in particular, my 10 months, were not good at all. It was actually hell on this earth. So I only had success, I would say, yeah, after 10 months, a year, or something like that. And then the success came and went, so it’s not always a happy journey. But, hey, it definitely works, if you are consistent with it.

Point number four, ladies, be careful who you become friends with. Again, what a universal subject, because don’t we all have experiences where we have definitely been burned by people, or we have been friends with people who really turned out not to be who we thought they were, or they have backstabbed us, they have done horrible things to us. Who knows what they’ve done, or maybe friendships just failed for all kinds of different reasons. That’s why you need to be careful who you become friends with. But again, I don’t want you to be closed down and to be paranoid and to not trust anybody and to be so shut down that you don’t let anybody in. Now that’s not the direction either where we want to go, but at the same time, we don’t want to be like an open book for people, and we don’t want to trust every single person that steps inside our doorstep.

We want to always, always be somehow on our watch, but without going paranoid mode, because that’s not healthy, plus you want to give people a chance. But how do we know who we can trust, and how do we know who are truly genuine people? And I think that will forever be the mystery of life, and I think that it’s a reason again why all of us have to go through of being burned by people, and, let’s say, fall out with people, et cetera. It’s just, I don’t know, course of life, and I don’t think it’s ever going to really stop, to tell you the truth. I think we’re always going to go through it, but we can definitely limit it and we don’t have to act foolishly. That’s why I think it’s really important to think about who you say what to and who you trust, because think about it this way, there’s a lot of people with issues out there.

I think most of us have issues to some degree, but some people let their issues take control of their behavior and what actions they take. But sometimes a person might be totally, how can I say, legit. Very nice person, you connect, you have a good friendship, et cetera, and then all of a sudden you start seeing that this person is not really who you thought that person was. And then when, let’s say, if you distance yourself from that person, because that person didn’t turn out to be who you thought he was, that person who was supposed to be your friend turns out to be a monster, let’s say, because of whatever issues they allow to take control over their behavior. And this is the thing. This happens to everybody all the time.

So you always have to think about that this can happen in your life, or it can happen in a different format. It can be that you have friends who are like fake friends with you. They are so nice and you think you’re best friends, but then they really just talk badly about you behind your back, and you don’t know it until just magically one day you randomly manage to find out about it. And I always told myself that in life, especially when it comes to dealing with other people, intuition is what you really have to trust. But what’s tricky with intuition is that sometimes we ignore what our intuition tells us. And sometimes we want to believe certain things because people are good at talking and people can be charming, and people can be persuasive in many ways. So we might not listen to some of the clues that are there that says that, okay, this person, you have to be careful around with.

And I think it’s important to look for those clues, and those are definitely intuition. If your intuition is a little bit [vary 00:29:41], think about that. You don’t have to reject that person, but just be careful around that person. Be careful what you tell that person. Make sure that person really has to earn your trust, and don’t just trust anybody left, right and center. Other clues is, how do these people treat other people in their life? How do they treat other friends in their life? Let’s say for instance, in the company of you, they’re all the time talking so much bad about other people that they’re friends with, or criticizing them all the time or being so strongly opinionated and just more on the negative level. That is a warning sign that that’s definitely going to happen behind your back about you.

Don’t think that if they have such a strong opinion about everybody, that they’re not going to have such a strong opinion about you. Who says that you are so different, even if they make you feel different? And that’s definitely a big learning lesson that I think we all have to go through it. It’s about looking for those signs of deception, of betrayal; the early signs that I’m talking about. But again, we’re not going to go to the degree of becoming paranoid or thinking that everybody’s [deceptive 00:30:58], but it’s about having that balance where you’re not totally switched off by it, but at the same time, you’re not reading into it too much, where that’s the only things you are looking for in people. But definitely, ladies, people need to earn your trust. So take your time with people. Don’t jump into intimate friendships so quickly. It’s just like a relationship with a man.

You don’t want to rush into things, and then you wonder why things went horribly wrong. At some point, you have to really get to know people, right? And really understand who they are, and if you can trust them, if they’re loyal to you, et cetera. And I think loyalty is definitely an important thing to look for. One thing that I need to tell you though is that don’t forget that the people you become friends with are ultimately just regular human beings. And what do we know about human beings is that human beings are not perfect.

Human beings will have their own personal issues. Human beings will have flaws. Human beings will make mistakes and it’s okay. And that means that you will have friends who are not going to be perfect. So yes, there are going to be things that happen and the mistakes that happen, et cetera. So you cannot be too hard on your friends, but it’s about, again, finding that balance where you feel that the values are there, the genuinity is there, the loyalty is there, the trust is there, then it’s okay for mistakes to happen. But it’s about, I think, the level of mistakes and what mistakes we’re talking about. So just be on your watch, be careful because things will definitely backfire to you in your life if you are not being careful.

Point number five, ladies, it’s not about being the previous woman in the room, it’s truly about being the most irresistible one. And I wish I knew that in my twenties because we keep obsessing about looks in our twenties. It’s all about who is the most good looking, am I good looking enough? What should I wear? How should I look? Am I thin enough? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Why don’t we talk more about the confidence, the charisma, the charm, the elegance, the femininity, the art of being truly able to be yourself to create a mix of all of these things, and that’s really one big secret to how a woman is irresistible. I definitely think that in our twenties, the thing that really ruins for us the most is the general insecurity we have as a woman, and I think pretty much everybody feels somehow insecure in our twenties. Maybe some feel really secure, but I think most don’t, to be honest with you. And it’s normal. It’s part of being in twenties and young.

And that’s why I think, when you grow older, you actually start becoming more comfortable with yourself. You become more confident and you actually start developing other important aspects of yourself, which really has to do with excluding certain energy. And that’s why, in my platforms, we talk so much about femininity, elegance, because that’s an energy that we work with a lot that really benefits us, and that also gives us confidence. And I believe confidence is by far the most important ingredient in this whole mix of being irresistible, because you can’t really execute anything else, if you don’t execute it with confidence, because it just doesn’t become believable in that case, then it will seem like you’re faking it, if you are not confidently excusing, let’s say, charm or charisma.

But being irresistible doesn’t have to always be like, let’s say, I don’t know, Monica Bellucci is quite irresistible. You don’t have to be a movie star to reach that level in your irresistibility. You just have to be a woman who men find attractive or people like to be around with. And it’s not because of their looks. And to tell you the truth, I know many people from my real life who I have met, or even who I know personally, who might not have the most amazing looks, not saying they’re ugly, but I’m just saying they might not look like a supermodel, but there’s something about them that still makes them very, very attractive. And they’re able to achieve great success as a result both in their private life, in their romantic life, and let’s say in their career life, and with networking. There isn’t a set formula to why people like them so much, because don’t forget, people like different things.

Not everybody’s going to be drawn to a very feminine woman. Not everybody’s going to be drawn to a very charming person. People get drawn to different things, but it’s about being true to yourself, who you are, what your natural energies are, and just go for that. And then whoever fits that cup, fits that cup. But what’s important is the fact that you are actually developing certain characteristics that are oftentimes overlooked. And that’s why I feel like women, although I think the physical aspect of how you look, what you wear and all of those things, it is so important as well, because that also communicates a message. And it’s a big part of our personal brand, but we really have to work on our inner personal brand, on those inner characteristics, like I said. Let’s say it’s charm or charisma or confidence, whatever it is, they really form your personality because you can be the most beautiful woman in the room, but if you lack personality, that’s not really going to get you far.

And especially not in today’s climate where anybody can be beautiful, and we know that because technology in the beauty space is incredibly developed and plastic surgery is very much accessible today compared to how it was back in the days. So, today, anybody can transform their appearance, but what’s so hard is to really transform your personality; not to become somebody you’re not, but it’s about allowing your own personality to really blossom. And I think that’s what being irresistible is really about. It’s about being comfortable in yourself and allowing your personality to blossom. And that’s what ultimately going to give you wow factor. And when you become memorable and when people become infatuated by you, because you’re not just some Plain Jane in your personality, you have blossomed to the point that you are now wowing people, and that’s an incredible power. So please do not miss out on this little tool that usually get overlooked.

Number six, in my twenties, I wish I would have known more about elegance and didn’t have the perception that elegance is only for old people, because that is such a stereotype and such a myth. Actually elegance is an incredible tool for all of us to use, but the stereotypes is making very few people make use of this tool. So ladies, I think you all know that I am definitely an advocate for elegance. You seem to talk about it in every corner of my channels, but it’s not because I’m here pushing, traditional, stereotypical elegance for you, I’m actually referring more to modern elegance where elegance is not just elegance, elegance, but it’s also part being feminine. It’s about showing respect for yourself. And this way you actually set boundaries. Elegance is for me about respecting yourself, and this way you really communicate to other people to also respect you.

It’s a way of setting boundaries. But elegance is not just about, let’s say, looking conservative and being proper. I really do believe that elegance goes hand in hand with femininity. Elegance is really a tool for you to use to be able to raise own energy within yourself, to feel better about yourself, to feel like you are using this to also set yourself apart from the masses, but not set apart from the rest in terms of, oh, I’m so much better than you because I am elegant and you are not. It’s not really about that. I really don’t like attitudes like that by the way. No, elegance is really, really about, well, first of all, you need to enjoy the appearance of what is actually elegant. And one thing that I need to tell you about that is that one very big misconception that people have is that elegance just looks in one format.

And it’s really not the case. I have actually developed the different elegant style personalities that exist in fashion, because I don’t believe that the only way you can dress elegant is if you dress conservative. That’s why if you want to find out about the different elegant style personalities, I have actually developed a quiz. Yay. Fun, no. But you have to have Facebook though, unfortunately. If you want to take part in this quiz, it’s quite fun. Go to stylepersonalityquiz.com and you, yeah, it’s pretty straightforward how it works. It will take you through the quiz and you will actually find out what elegant style personality you are, because there are different style personalities that are elegant. And I really want you to understand who you are. Are you more of an elegant classic or elegant fashionista, or are you maybe elegant flamboyant?

This is what I mean that elegance is not just one way and no other way, especially not in our modern society today. You can be bold and colorful person and still be elegant, and you can also be a very seductive person who is still very elegant. And it’s not about being boring. This is what I want to tell you. I think when people become too obsessed about elegance, that’s when we’re, again, going into extremes, and I feel like people then just use elegance as a mask to hide behind an insecurity in reality. But actually, elegance is really not about that. It’s a tool that we use to raise our energy, raise our vibration, but also a tool on how we position ourselves in society.

So if you keep an open mind and if you don’t think in stereotypes, then you would be surprised how if you just sprinkle some elegance into your life without it having to take over your whole life, but if you just sprinkle it lightly in some areas that need it, it will be such a helpful, helpful tool for you. So that’s something that I wish I would have known in my twenties, because it would have been great to start this journey earlier than I did, but it’s okay. I still laugh about my trashy and less elegant days and cherished them for where they have taken me today, because thanks to them, I am where I am today.

Now, last point, point number seven, and I did reference to this point earlier in the conversation, because one thing that I wish, I wish I would have known in my twenties is that you don’t have to stress about when Mr. Right will come. He will come if… Okay, this is the thing. I need to give you a few ifs, because let’s be honest here, I know that in our twenties, if we are, let’s say, mostly single, or if we are, I don’t know, in a relationship, but then it ends by the end of our twenties, then we might start freaking out of, oh no, will I now become unmarried and unwanted?

And will Mr. Right ever come? And all of those things. I think in our twenties and thirties women, generally speaking, if we are not committed to one person the entire time, or are in very, very long relationships, we might be stressing about if we actually will find Mr. Right, especially if we’re just in and out of relationships and date a lot and, or if we stay single a lot. So the older we get, the more stressed we get, and that creates more desperation in us. So if we would be just a little bit more secure knowing that, okay, Mr. Right will come. Let’s have a good time meanwhile. Let’s get some experience with men, with relationships, with dating, et cetera.

He will come, don’t worry. But how can we be so sure that he will come? And I think that’s the big, big question that many feel, and why women feel so stressed, because to some degree, it’s always going to be an uncertainty. And we do see that there are women, let’s say, women in their thirties or forties who are still unmarried and still struggle to find the Mr. Right. And I don’t want to reinforce the stereotype that the woman should be already married by then, otherwise she’s worth less, or something is somehow wrong with her. Absolutely not. I hate that stereotype. I wish women can take their time and decide whenever they want to get married, if they want to get married.

There shouldn’t be this pressure and stress on women. The only stress that we have is the biological stress. So that is of course, that we can’t really change. But going back to these women who are, let’s say, they really want to be in the relationship and they’re in the thirties and forties, and they really, really struggle to find the right guy. And I know that in today’s dating climate, it is really hard, so that’s given, but it doesn’t mean that there are not good men out there.

And I think, to be honest with you, and I really don’t want to say it in a way where women who are in that position should take it as criticism, I really do believe that if you feel like, okay, after so many years, you’ve still struggle to find the right person for you, then I really think, therapy is a must to try and understand why this keeps happening, because then it’s almost like you are in a pattern and we can’t always excuse a pattern by saying, there are no good men out there. We actually have to also take some form of ownership without looking at it as something is wrong with you, or you’re not good enough or anything like that, because that’s the last thing we want to do to ourselves. We don’t want to start beating ourselves up. Okay? We want to be productive, and we become productive when we actually try and see how can we understand this situation better, how can we break patterns, how can we maybe start attracting a different partner, How can we improve our dating life.

I just believe that when it comes to relationship, dating, love type of issues, I definitely think that therapy is the strongest, strongest tool for that to overcome that. So that is just really, again, I know, I keep preaching therapy, but I just like, you will have to put up with it because that’s the experience that I have. It has helped me so much and it helped me get my relationship. I actually think that probably if I didn’t go to therapy, I would probably still be single. So that’s why I preach so much about this. So don’t take it as criticism, see this as a great tool. However, I do have one more little tool, so that you don’t have to stress too much about when Mr. Right will come, but this is a little bit controversial.

And I know that it’s not going to be everybody’s cup of tea, but it’s a little, little Anna Bey hack. So, again, if this is not your cup of tea, we’re all different, and we think differently, but this is how I think and what has helped me in my life. So, again, I’m being very biased here. I’m really just talking about my own experience and what has worked for me, so hopefully that can help you. Okay, so if you want to stress less about when Mr. Right will come, I would actually go to an astrologist to have a little look at your chart. Yes. This is what I said. It’s going to be controversial because there’s a lot of people who don’t believe in astrology and that’s absolutely okay. I actually believe in astrology because astrology has over so many years proven to be accurate for me.

And for this reason, I give it credibility. And for this reason, I use astrology in my life to understand my life better, and to also take certain decisions. So if you want to understand when Mr. Right will come, it can be worth to actually look into with an astrologist to see the influences that are coming with the planets, because that’s the thing. With astrology, it’s actually all about how planets are influencing us. And if you don’t believe in this then, okay, for you, this might sound pretty bizarre, but for those who are actually already using astrology as their tool, I mean, you know what I am talking about; how powerful planets are and their transitions and their effect and how accurate it actually tends to be. So you should look into with an astrologist when the influences of love, relationship, marriage will be in your life.

And it’s not about fortune telling because astrology is not a fortune teller. It just shows when there are certain influences, when there is certain cosmic energy that hits you in your life, right? And it’s about trying to ride that energy when you are taking certain decisions to maximize that energy to some degree. And that’s why I say, you can actually use astrology to better understand when that energy will be with you. And this way, you can stop maybe stressing so much about it. When you’re not, it’s not there. You can still live your life. You can still be dating and be in the relationship and all of those things, but it’s about removing that stress, because I really believe that stress is a blocker, and we need to get rid of that ASAP in order to actually manifest what we want to manifest.

That why, ladies, when we do talk about all these subjects that I have covered with you today, I do it as part of just having a moment with you when we just sit and look at things objectively. Obviously, it’s always going to be a little bit subjective from my end, like I’ve just spoken about astrology. That’s very subjective. However, I still want us to look at things from all kinds of perspectives. Maybe that will give you some new insights. Maybe it will reinforce some things that you already knew, but just needed a little reminder of, or validation of that actually. Yes, that’s the path you should take. So having said all this ladies, as I said in the beginning, the list can definitely be longer of all the things I wish I knew in my twenties, but, hey, isn’t it wonderful that we know these things today.

Maybe I will make more episodes like this as clearly the list is longer than just this, but at least you got a little taste for some of the things that definitely I have worked on in my life, and that has helped me. Now, ladies, secrets for the elite women enrollment is still currently closed. I will be providing more information about this as time develops, however if you want to get on the waiting list, you just visit schoolofaffluence.com and put yourself there, and you will get notified when we open up the doors again. If you are subscribed to my YouTube channel, you know that on Sunday, which is my publication day, I released a new video; 10 things elegant ladies never do at a restaurant. And it’s a really short and sweet three minute long video, where I just quickly cover some of those etiquette mistakes that people do in a restaurant and also what to do instead. So, go to my YouTube channel to watch that video.

And one more thing, ladies, if you still haven’t subscribed to this podcast, make sure you do, so that you always get notified when it comes out on Wednesdays. I don’t have a set time for when it comes out, so it’s really all about being subscribed, so that you get notified. Ladies, I will talk to you next Wednesday, meanwhile, stay safe, stay healthy, and look after yourselves. I wish you all a wonderful week. Bye for now.

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Anna Bey is an educator in the elegant feminine empowerment space and the founder of an online finishing school for women. She can confidently call herself a pioneer in this genre because she was the first to be sharing content in this niche since 2012.

Author picture

Anna Bey is an expert on Modern Elegance™, upscale transformations, and leveling up, with over 150 million channel views. Since 2012, she has taught women how to develop a more refined personal presence and lifestyle inside the Anna Bey Academy, where she hosts her various classes and courses. Her publication features include The Times UK, Newsweek, New York Post, Cosmopolitan, and many more.


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